The Journey Begins
Reaching the end of yourself is a good thing. For many people, reaching the end of themselves means that they’re totally sick of their stupid, unhealthy behavior, and they’re ready to change it. That’s where I was in 1999 – ready and willing to change, but powerless to do it.
None of us has the power to accomplish anything of true worth or value, including changing ourselves, apart from Christ (John 15:5). I had acknowledged that I was helpless and hopeless for the task. I had cried out to God with sincerity and desperation. I waited. I expected. I anticipated a swift supernatural deliverance from the strongholds within. Wasn’t God in the business of rescuing His children from Satan’s grip? Hadn’t I suffered and lost enough? How I ended up wasn’t my fault. It was my parents’ fault, wasn’t it? Yes, they were responsible for shaping me into the damaged woman I became. However, as an adult, I needed to take responsibility for my condition and embark on a process of overcoming and reversing the damage.
God started the process for me. It began slowly. In January 2000 my gums became swollen and enflamed. I expected this unusual condition to pass. After three months I went to the dentist and he suggested I try a different toothpaste for two weeks. It didn’t help. Next on his list was a visit to a periodontist in Hanau. This gum specialist did lab work and took a biopsy of my gums. He suspected I had something awful like lupus or leukemia. Two weeks later I returned to his office.
The news was good and bad. My white blood cell count was normal, so the doctor didn’t suspect leukemia. However, the gum tissue biopsy showed inflammation, a telltale sign of Systemic Lupus Erythematosis (SLE). Although the doctor’s diagnosis wasn’t conclusive, he suspected that I did have early onset SLE, a potentially life-threatening autoimmune disease. For those of you who aren’t familiar with autoimmune diseases, “auto” means “self” and “immune” means the immune system is involved. My immune system was confused. It attacked harmful invaders in my body like it was supposed to, but it kept going and began to attack perfectly healthy tissue. In essence, my immune system was attacking me.
This news came at a time when my husband, Steve, was deployed to Kosovo. Why is it that every time I received bad news or experienced something traumatic, I was alone? God was in the process of causing me to run to Him and rely on Him first and foremost. This I realized years later after spending plenty of time fussing, fuming and worrying.
On the trip home from Hanau to Friedberg I stared through the windshield, dazed. Questions bounced around in my head like pinballs. I knew of women who had died from kidney failure brought on by lupus. Was that going to happen to me? Was I going to get seriously ill and die? Why was this happening? Why am I alone with this news? It was April 2000 and we were due to PCS to Fort Campbell, Kentucky, in July.
TO BE CONTINUED …
Women of PWOC, stay connected! In the coming weeks I will continue sharing my Journey of Transformation from being wounded and angry to healed and thriving. My purpose in sharing this story is to glorify God, to show the truth about Him, to display His goodness and provision in the midst of suffering, and to give you hope. No matter where you find yourself at this time in your life, be assured that God is trustworthy and faithful despite how you feel about Him. He does have good plans for you. “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” (Jer. 29:11).
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“Life Happens – Jesus Answers” is a weekly column addressing the challenges we face in life, coupled with the presence and grace of Jesus, our One True Source of hope and peace. The column’s author, Laura Firtko, can be reached by email here: LifeHappens@pwoc.org
