When the topic of Marriage Vows surface in conversation, you learn a lot about people and their belief systems. The standard Christian vows include, “Love, Honor and Obey.” Most people get heated over the third word, Obey. The Love part is easy or else you wouldn’t be standing there, right? But have you ever spent time on the second word, Honor?
I grew up in a household that believed criticism was the path to motivation. A lot of people buy in to this false understanding. In fact, until I met my husband, I assumed it was perfectly normal and that everyone lived this way. While many do, it’s no path to a healthy relationship.
One of the first things that really struck me when my husband and I started dating was how encouraging and uplifting his words were. To be honest, though, it didn’t get my attention until I realized that as he talked about me a lot to ‘the guys,’ his words were always kind and flattering. He never talked ‘smack’ with the guys and he never betrayed my integrity to others. This was brand new to me…brand new!
The more I understood he was sincere, the more I strived to learn this new ‘thing’ myself. It became a surprising factor in our relationship as we began to build trust. His faithfulness to hold my name safely in his mouth, spilled over to my believing in his faithfulness to our relationship. When the words, “I love you,” finally spilled (from him first), I never questioned their sincerity. I knew my heart would be just as safe as my name had been.
Over the years, my most consistent battle has been to overcome my mouth. It gets me into trouble more than I’d care to confess. But what I’ve learned is that building people up is much more effective than tearing them down. Tearing someone down gives them little to strive for; however, building someone up gives them confidence to overcome limitations.
So, what about you? Is your husband’s name safe in your mouth? Are you protecting his integrity? Are you the most trustworthy person he knows that will faithfully hold his secrets as your own? His insecurities?
A wise friend once told me that your words serve one of two purposes: they are either contributing or contaminating. What are your words doing in your marriage?
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