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Freedom from Fear

Oct 112010

I was reading a gorgeous old fairy tale to my youngest son recently, about the little duck Shingebiss and the Old North Wind. Although the wind is frigid and daunting, Shingebiss has no worries because his winter provisions and home are secure. I was especially moved by the powerful truths in little Shingebiss’ song:

“You can never frighten me,
One who doesn’t fear is free!”

John 8:36 says, “So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.” Just like Shingebiss, we have no need to fear any frigid or daunting circumstance or emotion we face, because Christ is our provision, and all of our needs are met in Him. Fear can be the vice-grip of the enemy, even for Christians. In Luke 7, we read of the “sinful” woman who lavishly cleans the feet of Jesus with expensive perfume, and wipes them dry with her hair. Jesus’ response to her is profound, yet subtle. He says, “Your sins are forgiven. Your faith has saved you; go in peace” (emphasis mine).

Yet how many of us receive Christ’s forgiveness, plus His saving faith, but then walk away still carrying our emotional baggage? Fear is the vice-grip of the enemy, but Christ lives to free us from this tormenting captor. Like that little duck, your provisions and home are secure in Christ. Repent of mistrust, fall on His mercy, and rest in His shadow.
And declare aloud to the enemy, like Shingebiss, “You can never frighten me; One who doesn’t fear is free!”
Psalm 91: 1 “He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow.

And declare aloud to the enemy, like Shingebiss, “You can never frighten me; One who doesn’t fear is free!”

Psalm 91: 1 “He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.”</strong>

Klumo, Kate, Editor. Tasha Tudor’s Bedtime Book. Platt & Munk Publishers, New York, 1977.

Journey of Transformation, Part 27

Jesus Answers, Life Happens, Life Happens Jesus Answers, Real life stories, Testimonies

Jun 172010

God Comes Through

The day of departure had arrived. We left the hotel and drove to the Chaplain’s house where our Accord spent the night. God, knowing exactly what we would need long before our move, served up the perfect provision.

And so it goes . . .

A little background: Chaplains are endorsed by various churches or parachurch organizations that provide support and accountability in their roles as Chaplains within the military. Steve and a fellow Chaplain at Fort Campbell happened to share the same endorser. This endorser, located in South Carolina, was holding its annual conference in Colorado Springs at the Air Force Academy. Our Chaplain friend was planning to attend that conference.

Where were Steve and I headed for our compassionate PCS? Colorado Springs. And our house, which had been rented, was a mere 15-minute drive from the Academy. As it turns out, our Chaplain buddy was glad to drive our Honda Accord to Colorado Springs since he was going there anyway. We paid for his expenses and he flew back after the conference as he had originally planned. This couldn’t have worked out more perfectly for us. And, as an additional point of interest, since that conference in the summer of 2002, the endorser hasn’t held any out west.

I find all this very interesting. None of it was coincidental. It reminds me that I never have a valid reason to fret or worry. God has everything worked out in advance. He knows what I really need when I really need it and delivers it right on time.

Back to the story. My memories tend to be sketchy, but for some reason certain moments in time remain etched in my brain. I clearly remember sitting in the passenger seat of our Honda Pilot (we had traded in the Plymouth Voyager minivan for the Pilot), the door was open, and our Chaplain friend’s wife came over to the car and spoke words of encouragement to me. I was so weak, tired, and miserable that I barely responded. I nodded once, turned my head to face forward, and she closed the door. I hoped she didn’t see me as rude or indifferent but rather desperately ill.

I don’t remember the drive home other than it being long. It was the longest ride of my life. When we pulled into my parents’ driveway they were glad to see me but I just wanted to hit the sack.

The subsequent months would prove agonizing but informative. I finally would get the accurate and complete diagnosis I’d longed for.

THE JOURNEY CONTINUES:

In a quest to develop my faith I make an effort to notice the things God does for me that I can’t do for myself. I also pay attention to His creation more. Many of us allow ourselves to get so busy that we lose sight of the beauty around us and, in effect, we lose sight of God.

This summer I’m going to pay closer attention to the birds swirling around my deck. I’m going to listen to their songs and watch the clouds float by. I’m going to breathe the fresh air and let God speak to me through His creation. I’m going to embrace a new appreciation for the obvious, yet often dismissed, blessings in my world.

This summer take time to sit. Look. Listen. Enjoy the blessings that surround you and thank God.

____________________________

Life Happens – Jesus Answers is a weekly column addressing the challenges we face in life, coupled with the presence and grace of Jesus, our One True Source of hope and peace. The column’s author, Laura Firtko, can be reached by email here: LifeHappens@pwoc.org

Journey of Transformation, Part 15

Life Happens Jesus Answers, Real life stories, Testimonies

Mar 182010

Another Road Trip

To this day I still don’t fully understand why God allowed me to have a miscarriage. I might not ever know all the reasons, but I do know that it has given me a connection to women that I wouldn’t have had otherwise. Even though I don’t have children, at least I know what it was like to be pregnant. I can relate to those who have endured the same loss and they can relate to me.

In the days following the D & C I shoved down my grief and told the friend who had been with me through the ordeal not to tell anyone. I couldn’t bear hearing ridiculous comments and questions that would have drained my energy further. Holding in the truth seemed to contain and control the magnitude of my loss. However, my heart and soul weren’t fooled. The grief was sure to rise up later.

Shortly after Steve returned to school at Fort Leavenworth, Kansas, my lethargy increased. I didn’t feel like cooking and I wasn’t eating enough. Caring for myself became a chore. What would I do this time? Where could I go? I couldn’t expect friends to take care of me. It was time for another road trip to join my husband.

To reach my destination I ended up hitching a ride from my ever-present friend. She happened to be from Kansas and she and her husband were planning a trip at the time. Do you think God had something to do with that? You bet. He showed up to provide exactly what I needed as He had before.

I packed a suitcase, gathered up Bridgette’s doggy supplies, and we headed to Kansas. Bridgette, as you might recall from a previous entry, was our sweet little beagle who seemed more like a family member than a canine. She was a special companion through my losses and trials.

We endured our trip to Fort Leavenworth and our friends dropped us off at Steve’s hotel room across from post. Bridgette and I got settled and Steve went grocery shopping to fill the small refrigerator in his room. Every day after that I took Bridgette for a walk; it was our favorite thing to do.

I remember doing laundry in a building on post and we had to drag duffle bags up the stairs to the washer and dryer. Needless to say, I sat outside on a bench drinking juice while Steve hauled the bags up and down the stairs. Then I would drag myself up the stairs to deal with the clean clothes and help re-stuff the duffles. An elevator would have been helpful.

When classes ended a couple weeks later we headed home to Clarksville. Steve dropped me off on his way back to Fort Jackson for the final phase of school. That’s entirely too much driving — east to west to east and back. At least he was reimbursed for mileage.

I managed to get through the next two weeks but it was time to pay a visit to my favorite rheumatologist – the one I had to drive two hours to see who spent more time in the hallway with his nurses than he did with me in the examining room. I couldn’t wait to find out what amazing answers he had for me next.

THE JOURNEY CONTINUES:

Keep posted. We’re entering a new phase of the journey. It only gets harder from here, but God knows exactly what He’s doing.

_____________________________

Journey of Transformation, Part 14

Life Happens Jesus Answers, Real life stories, Testimonies

Mar 112010

Emergency

The next morning Steve and I ate breakfast in my hospital room and around 9 a.m. I was discharged. After a quick stop at the pharmacy for pain medication and Gas-X we headed home. The old familiar emotions that jarred me the day before began rumbling again and I was grateful we lived only twenty minutes from Fort Campbell.

We pulled into the garage, got out of the car, and Steve opened the door to the house. With each step I felt waves of grief rising, overriding my weariness. Seconds after I stepped inside new sobs escaped for the first time in 24 hours and I released them on Steve’s shoulder.

Not having the same connection to the pregnancy, Steve was somewhat perplexed by my outburst. The whole experience was surreal to him. It might have been more mutual if he had known about the pregnancy beforehand, but men react differently.

Once the waterworks subsided I led Steve over to the end table in our living room and showed him the sonogram photo. With tears in his eyes he said, “It’s very sad.” At that point the loss became a little more tangible. However, he would never understand my trauma.

That night I developed a fever of 101-F along with severe pain in my abdomen. Ibuprofen didn’t break the fever and it rose to 101.7-F so we took off to the ER. This time I was really glad that Fort Campbell was only twenty minutes away.

After waiting a couple hours I was finally seen by a doctor. He asked several questions, looked at my medications, and glared at me when he saw the OB/GYN had prescribed Tylox for pain. With a strange blend of astonishment and anger he announced, “This is for end stage cancer patients!” I was so bewildered by his remark that I just stared back at him. I wasn’t sure if he was angry with me for not taking it (I had chosen not to because I didn’t want liver damage) or if he was floored that the doctor had prescribed such a potent drug. Whatever the case, this doc had a lousy bedside manner.

Once the happy doctor left the room Steve walked me over to the bathroom. As soon as I set foot inside I dropped to the floor. I’ll never know what caused the blackout but I was glad Steve was there to catch me. The last thing I needed was injury. Again I sensed God’s protection and provision.

We returned home around 1 a.m. and I managed to sleep through the night. Steve had been given a four-day pass from school at Fort Leavenworth, Kansas, so he was able to stay for only three more days. During those days he made meals, bought take out, and monitored me to make sure I didn’t have another fever. Then he departed, reluctantly, on Wednesday, April 25, 2001.

So there I was, left with unresolved grief from a miscarriage and the unrelenting reality of lupus and hair loss. I was teetering between caring for myself and slipping into debilitating fatigue. Soon I would be in for another road trip.

THE JOURNEY CONTINUES:

Stay connected for more. Jehovah Jireh keeps on providing. The mysteries and complexities of our lives might never be clear in our time, but one thing is certain: God’s ways and thoughts are higher than ours (Isaiah 55:8-9); and, His plans for our future are laced with goodness and hope (Jeremiah 29:11).

_____________________________

Journey of Transformation, Part 13

Life Happens Jesus Answers, Real life stories, Testimonies

Mar 042010

A Warm Embrace

Shortly after my brief phone call with Steve two nurses arrived to anesthetize me. The friends who had faithfully stayed by my side all day were ravenous so they departed for dinner. Once they left the nurses told me to count backward from ten as they wheeled me into the operating room. In a matter of seconds I was out. It was approximately 5 p.m.

Around 6:30 p.m. I awoke trembling from shock; but the warm blankets wrapped snugly around my body felt like God’s loving embrace holding me fast. Ironically, a newborn is wrapped in a blanket before being handed to his mother. I would never know the joy of holding a newborn in my arms, but I did know the comfort of a loving Father holding me in His.

I glanced to my right and there was my friend again seated in a chair against the wall. She and the nurse had been chatting while they waited for me to wake up. It was good to see a familiar face. She followed as I was taken to my own room to spend the night. We talked for a while and she stayed until Steve arrived around 9 p.m.

With pizza in hand Steve bent down to kiss me and told me he was sorry this happened. Remarkably, I didn’t sob at that point. I was so glad to see him and I was too hungry to cry. Even though I was advised not to eat I did anyway and managed to avoid a rendezvous with the bathroom.

Once Steve was finished eating he took a moment to call my mom and asked her if she was sitting down. He told both she and my sister at the same time that I had a miscarriage and had come through surgery fine. They were stunned of course.

As I looked back on those events, I wondered why I didn’t attempt to contact Steve or my mother at some point during the day. But under those conditions, walking around in a fog, I just didn’t have the presence of mind to do it. Plus, in the process of being ushered all over the hospital I never gave it a thought. I guess I wanted to talk to Steve before talking to anyone else, but he had been in classes all day, and by the time he called I was almost ready for surgery. So that was that. Second guessing myself is useless. It’s over and done.

As Steve and I visited I began to feel a splintering pain in my abdomen that gradually intensified along with tachycardia – my heart rate soared to 130 bpm. A nurse came in, took my vitals, put an oxygen mask on me, and assessed the problem. As it turns out, all I needed was Gas-X! During any kind of internal surgery air can accumulate and get trapped. I felt like Violet Beauregarde — the girl who chewed a forbidden piece of gum in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and blew up into a blueberry-like ball.

Again, I was quick to note God’s sovereignty and provision. If this alarming event had occurred at home I probably would have panicked and made a beeline for the ER. Unfortunately, something happened the next night that forced me to do just that.

THE JOURNEY CONTINUES so stay connected:

Along life’s highway we all encounter grief, heartache and challenges of various kinds in varying degrees. All of it has a higher, larger purpose than we might ever know. Nothing is lost on God, especially since He ordains these events to fulfill His purposes and plans for our lives. These events massage our hearts and souls into a pliable condition that causes us to surrender to His Lordship. It’s called transformation. We like to fight the process because it’s painful. But fighting is futile. We must submit to God and find rest for our souls.

_____________________________

Journey of Transformation, Part 5

Life Happens Jesus Answers, Real life stories, Testimonies

Nov 192009

LifeHappensBanner

Insults, Dippy Doctors, and a Road Trip

During my mysterious symptom accumulation, I landed in the office of a new primary care physician whose kindness and sensitivity were astounding. Not! After hearing me talk about my strange symptoms and the tentative diagnosis of “lupus” given by previous physicians, he examined me and asserted, “I think you have fibromyalgia which isn’t recognized by the medical community as a real condition. You are depressed and your symptoms are largely psychosomatic.” I replied, “You think these symptoms are in my head?! You think I’m making them up?” I was insulted.

How is it that I was given a fairly accurate diagnosis in Germany, then ended up at Fort Campbell with doctors who couldn’t agree? Part of the problem is that many autoimmune diseases mimic each other. Getting a final, accurate diagnosis is difficult until you have enough symptoms that fall into a certain category. It’s even harder with mixed connective tissue diseases because they can affect every part of the body. Ultimately, to be considered official, my diagnosis had to come from a rheumatologist — a doctor who specializes in autoimmune diseases like rheumatoid arthritis, lupus, and others.

Unfortunately, specialists like these can be hard to find. The closest one who was available to see me in a reasonable amount of time was located an unreasonable distance away … in Bowling Green, Kentucky. Oh, it was only a two-hour drive. And, it didn’t matter that this doc spent more time in the hallway talking to his nurses than he did with me in the examining room, did it? Nor did it matter that he was from the Middle East and I couldn’t understand most of what he said. Although irresponsible of him, did it really matter that he offered me samples of prescription drugs for conditions I didn’t even have? No, not really. After all, to him I wasn’t a human being with feelings. I was a number preceded by a dollar sign. He had visions of greenbacks dancing in his head.

Drives, distances, and dollar signs aside, at least this specialist guessed that I probably had some kind of autoimmune disease. Wow, what a revelation! His guess was nothing new and he arrived at it without much investigation. As a result, I still didn’t have a definitive diagnosis from a rheumatologist. I suspect this dude gladly welcomed me to his office for as long as I would endure his malpractice. I visited him a couple more times then gave up.

Toward the end of February Steve traveled to Fort Jackson, South Carolina, to attend school. By early March my condition worsened. Cooking, cleaning, and shopping rendered me breathless and exhausted. I wasn’t eating enough and spent more time in bed. Something needed to change or I would deteriorate. So, I placed Bridgette, our beagle, in a friend’s care and managed to hitch a ride to Fort Jackson with a military family. They “just so happened” to be heading the direction I needed to go. Yeah, right. It was no accident. God is totally in control of everything. This was just one example of the Lord’s timely provision along this journey.

While Steve was in classes I had plenty of time to read and pray. Each day I sat in a cozy chair by the window and looked out toward the evergreens in the distance. They reminded me of the trees at Ramstein Air Base in Germany. It was beautiful there. I love God’s creation, and I dreamed of one day living in a place that had beautiful trees.

In the meantime, resting had top priority while new symptoms grabbed my attention. What I had experienced thus far paled in comparison to what lie ahead. This journey was about to lead me down Heartbreak Road.

TO BE CONTINUED …

Women of PWOC, stay connected! Life Happens – Jesus Answers will resume with the “Journey of Transformation, Part 6,” on Thursday, January 14, 2010. The Blog will be featuring posts on Thanksgiving and Advent over the next 6 weeks. Be sure to enjoy them and share them with your family and friends.

During this season, be sure to cherish the precious moments you have with your families, and reflect on the grace and provision that God extended to you in 2009.

Happy Thanksgiving, Merry Christmas, and Happy 2010 to all of you! When you’re walking through the commissary or down the street in your neighborhood, wish everyone you meet a “Merry Christmas!” After all, it’s only because of Christ that we have a reason to celebrate.

_____________________

“Life Happens – Jesus Answers” is a weekly column addressing the challenges we face in life, coupled with the presence and grace of Jesus, our One True Source of hope and peace. The column’s author, Laura Firtko, can be reached by email here: LifeHappens@pwoc.org

PWOC International Blog

Freedom from Fear

Journey of Transformation, Part 27

God Comes Through

Journey of Transformation, Part 15

Another Road Trip

Journey of Transformation, Part 14

Emergency

Journey of Transformation, Part 13

A Warm Embrace

Journey of Transformation, Part 5

Insults, Dippy Doctors, and a Road Trip

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