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It’s a Wrap!

This is the final installment of Life Happens – Jesus Answers and “Journey of Transformation.” God is bringing changes to the PWOCI blog so it is time to say goodbye. Change is good when it’s God directed and I trust that He has many blessings in store for us as we Shine in the Light of His Glory.

To begin, I’m including the final paragraph from the July 1, 2010, entry for context:

By September 2002 my health disaster was out of control. Clearly, there was more than lupus ravaging my body. The time had come to take my health care to the next level. I needed answers and I needed them fast. Fortunately, God had an awesome rheumatologist waiting in the wings.

By October 2002 I was wheelchair bound. I needed assistance with eating, bathing, dressing and walking. I was carried up and down stairs. I was bedridden. The excruciating pain, weakness, and burning in my arms prevented me from using them except for balance. The slightest exertion exhausted me. Infected ulcers burrowed to the bone on my elbows. This was a new level of torment.

By the grace of God I landed in the office of Dr. Michael Baker and my search for genuine help was over. I slumped in the rented wheelchair, head adorned with a ball cap covering my unsightly mane, and tears streaking my red, swollen, disfigured face. Both Dr. Baker and my husband carefully lifted me out of the chair and led me toward the examining table. Not only was I nearly paralyzed, I was breathless from exertion, and virtually lifeless.

After a physical examination, lab tests, and a muscle biopsy, Dr. Baker concluded that I had a form of muscular dystrophy called dermatomyositis. This life-threatening autoimmune disease attacks skin, muscle, and connective tissue – basically, the entire body can be affected. Only a small percentage of lupus was present by comparison. The other autoimmune diseases were Sjogren’s Syndrome, Raynaud’s Syndrome, and hypothyroidism. Treatment was prednisone and intravenous immunoglobulin (IVIG) infusions derived from human plasma.

With this new information came the time to update my Exceptional Family Member Program (EFMP) data including the fact that I had only a five-percent chance of survival. Without treatment, or if treatment didn’t work, I would have died. Years later while my dad was dying I learned that I could have received hospice care because my diagnosis and prognosis were so critical. This is something more people should know in case they have gravely ill family members who aren’t necessarily terminal.

Once I was officially diagnosed with a neuromuscular disease I became one of “Jerry’s Kids” and received a custom-fit wheelchair compliments of the Muscular Dystrophy Association. I still have it to this day and intend to keep it as a reminder of the depths to which I plummeted and the brink from which God saved me.

In spring 2003 a knowledgeable army dermatologist gave me a remedy for the infected ulcers on my elbows. One part vinegar to one part water. You heard me right. I was so angry to have suffered for eight months with this torture and all I would have had to do was soak my elbows in vinegar and water! Of course, the remedy was just as excruciating as the ulcers themselves. So I took oxycontin an hour before soaking because the burning pain was too much to bear.

By July 2003 the ulcers were gone but they left permanent, hideous scars. I was able to drive by this time and managed to get myself to PWOC. I had to sit during the entire program and went straight home and back to bed after. In March 2004 I was able to discontinue taking prednisone but continued the infusions.

The promise I received from the Holy Spirit back in 2001 about this trial lasting about five years came to pass. From the time I began getting symptoms in January 2000 to the end of 2004 the ordeal was largely over. Five years. After that the recovery process began.

In January 2005 I began weight training for the first time since 2000 and could lift only 10 pounds on the leg extension machine (quadriceps). I’m still working my way up to 90 pounds which is what I lifted before the disease set in. My quadriceps and biceps were the most severely affected muscles in my body.

By May 2005 I no longer needed oxycontin and phenergan for pain and nausea, and I finished the IVIG infusions after 27 months of treatment. It nearly took a miracle for me to receive these costly infusions but God worked it out. By August 2005 my hair had grown back completely. In 2006 I continued serving at my local PWOC.

In October 2007 my rheumatologist declared me cured of dermatomyositis. I stood in front of the PWOC body and gave an impromptu testimony about my healing, and proceeded to cut up the handicapped plaquard once displayed from the rearview mirror of my car. It was an act of faith.

As I recall 1999 when I walked around our Germany apartment praying for God to transform me by the renewing of my mind (Romans 12:2) I had no idea how He would answer that prayer. I certainly didn’t expect Him to take me down a dark and tangled road. Having endured all this and more, I am convinced we are far better off not knowing the future. Anticipating suffering of this nature would render many of us immobile.

Having persevered and arrived on the other side, I understand why God chose this path for me. It was effective. He used my physical anguish to produce an inward cleansing and strengthening of my heart and soul. As a result, I am free from many old habits, mindsets, and strongholds that kept me from living free in Christ.

There is nothing like a life-threatening illness to get you in a position of dependence, humility, and focus. It creates sober reflection and laser sharp awareness of what really matters in life. The things I thought were important gradually fell away while life itself shone through as the most significant thing of all – that is, eternal life. “Turn your eyes upon Jesus, Look full in His wonderful face, And the things of earth will grow strangely dim, In the light of His glory and grace …”

God taught me many things through my journey of transformation thus far, but rather than sharing some of them in my own words I’ve chosen to let the Word of God speak:

Before I was afflicted I went astray, but now I obey your word (Psalm 119:67).

Blows and wounds cleanse away evil, and beatings purge the inmost being (Proverbs 20:30).

I was pushed back and about to fall, but the Lord helped me. The Lord is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation (Psalm 118:13-14).

And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast (1 Peter 5:10).

(More: Romans 12:1-2; 2 Corinthians 12:8-10; Hebrews 12:1-2; Psalm 103:1-5; Psalm 116:1-7; Psalm 119:71, 75, 92, 116-117; Isaiah 40; Isaiah 55:8-9; Isaiah 61:1-4.)

THE JOURNEY ENDS

It’s my hope that this Journey of Transformation has been a testimony of God’s ways, power, love and grace. I pray that the Holy Spirit used this story to encourage, to educate, and to challenge you. Never cower in the face of grave difficulties, but trust in God’s sovereignty, goodness, and mercy even when everything in you cries out against them. Because when Life Happens – Jesus Answers. May Jesus lead you gently through your own Journey of Transformation.

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A Shock in the Mirror

My visit with the rheumatologist in Bowling Green, Kentucky, is hardly worth mentioning. He was sorry to hear about my miscarriage, but he offered no relief from the lupus or hair loss. And his carelessness with prescriptions made me uneasy. If I had actually taken the Vioxx he tossed at me back in February, which typically is prescribed for rheumatoid arthritis and not lupus, I would have blamed myself and the medication for the miscarriage. No doubt I would have blamed the doctor too.

I see God’s grace in this.

My previous experience and knowledge with medications gave me the wisdom not to take the Vioxx. In subsequent years I saw law office television ads naming Vioxx as a villain in countless stories about horrific side effects. I had been spared unrelenting torment.

Soon June 2001 would be upon us and I had lost so much hair it looked sparse and straggly. To shield my waning self esteem from further humiliation I began wearing ball caps. When Steve returned from Fort Jackson he didn’t mention the condition of my hair and I wasn’t aware of its severity.

When Steve’s birthday arrived in late June I wanted to look pretty for him so I took time getting ready. It’s hard to believe that during all those months since February I hadn’t considered checking the back of my head.

Until that day.

I turned my back to the sink and held a mirror with my left hand while examining my hair with the right. Shock pulsated through my heart. I was transfixed. Anyone walking past would have thought I was a statue.

How could this be? Where there once was beautiful sandy blonde hair there now appeared three bald spots the size of golf balls. Steve entered the bathroom and I showed him the back of my head. He hadn’t noticed it before. Really?

I questioned, “What can I do? How can I cover the spots? I can’t wear a ball cap with a dress!” He suggested I try one of my summer hats. Although the idea sounded abhorrent it was either that or stay home.

I slowly walked into the bedroom to get a pair of earrings and the tears broke loose. As I reached for my jewelry pouch Steve came over to console me. With despair I cried, “I wanted to look pretty for you but I’m not pretty anymore.” He responded with a very male comment, “It’s okay. I don’t love you for your hair.”

I returned to the bathroom and struggled unsuccessfully to style the straggles. And even though the hat covered my scalp, it couldn’t erase the horrifying image I’d seen in the mirror. From my perspective the evening was marred by a new thing to grieve. Never before had I felt so ugly.

I began to wonder what all this was about. Why was it progressing? Was God punishing me? As far as I knew I wasn’t anymore sinful than any other Christian. I felt singled out. No other spouses in my military circles were enduring anything remotely close to this. Would I have to walk this road alone? How long would it last? How bad would it get?

Only God, and time, would tell.

THE JOURNEY CONTINUES:

Have you ever walked a path that seemed to have no clear direction? Did you feel as though you were suffering for nothing? During times when God brings perplexing circumstances into our lives it helps to adopt a God perspective or an eternal perspective. Remember that He sees things much differently and has a plan involving the entire universe.

An important question to ask during trials is, “Father, what can I learn from this?” Then wait for His answer.

In the meantime, read Isaiah 55; 1 Peter 4:12-19; and bury your face in the Psalms.

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Life Happens – Jesus Answers is a weekly column addressing the challenges we face in life, coupled with the presence and grace of Jesus, our One True Source of hope and peace. The column’s author, Laura Firtko, can be reached by email here: LifeHappens@pwoc.org

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Confirmation and Concern

The first week of April 2001 Steve and I returned to Clarksville, Tennessee. Within days he headed west to Fort Leavenworth, Kansas, for the last phase of school. Although friends invited me to stay with them, I chose to stay home. Besides, I had news I wasn’t willing to share yet, and I needed time to myself.

I visited my primary care doctor to verify the pregnancy, and I clearly remember the moment he returned to the exam room with test results. He handed me the printout so I could see it for myself — “Positive for HCG” — the pregnancy hormone. This doctor, the same one who suggested my autoimmune symptoms were psychosomatic, now asked an important question: “Is this good news?” “Yes,” I replied, “but I don’t know what to think. What about the lupus?” He attempted to reassure me that many women with lupus deliver healthy babies and he added a sincere “I’m happy for you.”

I walked through the hospital out to the parking lot, opened the door to our Plymouth Voyager minivan, climbed inside … and sat there. Bewildered, I prayed, “Lord, I’m happy but also concerned and confused. The timing is strange. This would be good news under better conditions, but I just don’t know what to think.”

At 35, with risk factors and a mysterious autoimmune disease, I was referred to an OB/GYN who specialized in high risk pregnancies. During the days leading up to my appointment, I read through my Merck manual to learn more about pregnancy risks in case something happened. At this point, Steve still didn’t know about the pregnancy. I wanted to tell him in person and expected the opportunity to arrive in subsequent weeks.

On Friday, April 13, 2001, I arrived at the OB/GYN’s office. I sat in the waiting room looking around at the other pregnant women, some with husbands by their side. I was the oldest in the room and felt conspicuously alone. This wasn’t the first time I was alone during a significant event nor would it be the last. So, I experienced the wonder of prenatal sonography by myself.

Floating around in amniotic fluid inside my womb was an active baby at 10.5 weeks. I could see the shape of the head, eye sockets, nose and mouth. The little arms were lifted up with hands together in a praying position. The heartbeat moved up and down gently. The legs and feet were clearly defined, kicking energetically as the baby rolled back and forth. I sensed he was a boy because he had a wide, strong back. Everything looked normal but his frantic kicking concerned me. The doctor said some babies are really active. But when he pointed out that the fetus had developed only to 9.5 weeks my heart sank. Showing no signs of concern, the doctor took a couple quick sonogram pictures and my appointment was over.

As I walked past the doctor’s desk toward the door, he spoke, “This is going to be a healthy pregnancy. Everything is going to be fine. It’s going to be good.” His tone was dull and his words were flat. It was as if he was trying to convince himself while mindlessly uttering false hope at me. I turned to look at him but he didn’t make eye contact. The incongruence of his words, tone of voice, and facial expression betrayed him and I wondered what he really thought. Still, I believed that if there was something I needed to know, he would have told me, and his words evaporated … until later.

THE JOURNEY CONTINUES …

Welcome back to Life Happens – Jesus Answers in 2010. For those of you who are new to this column, I’m in the process of sharing my personal journey of transformation that has occurred over the last decade. You can get caught up from the beginning of the journey by accessing previous entries in Life Happens – Jesus Answers under “categories”.

Remember, in this new day of a new month in a new year and a new decade, God is doing a new thing, and He always has the best in mind for you no matter what your circumstances might be (Isaiah 43:18-19; Romans 8:28-30). People change and things change, but Our Lord is steadfast, faithful, and unchanging. As you walk with Him this year, rely on the truth of Scripture. Rely on His consistent love and grace. Rely on His strength and stability. But most of all rely on Him.

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Life Happens – Jesus Answers” is a weekly column addressing the challenges we face in life, coupled with the presence and grace of Jesus, our One True Source of hope and peace. The column’s author, Laura Firtko, can be reached by email here: LifeHappens@pwoc.org

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Unexpected Discovery

Each day I sat propped up on the bed reading, journaling, and praying. An inviting picture hanging on the wall across from me beckoned to me like a memory luring me back in time. Two white, wooden beach chairs faced forward toward the ocean. Seated on one was a woman wearing a white sun hat with a blue ribbon tied in a bow delicately draping the brim. To her left was a small grove of lacy green trees gracing the scene. As I gazed at the picture I felt warmth from the sun enveloping me with comforting serenity. Memories of Southern California summers breezed through my mind, and for a moment, I missed home. I spent hours studying this scene, wishing I were in it, wondering what my future held.

While the picture on the wall was a silent companion drawing me to another place, God was my ever-present source of comfort and hope. He has often used materials from In Touch Ministries to encourage me. One particular study met the cry of my heart as my condition worsened: Advancing through Adversity by Dr. Charles F. Stanley. God had strategically placed this resource in my hands as a light to guide me through the dark tunnel ahead.

It was March 2001 at Fort Jackson, South Carolina, when the adversity train led me down a new track. Sitting quietly reading I felt an itchy sensation on my bare arms and thought there were bugs in the room. I looked down to see strands of hair that had jumped off my scalp as if retreating from an enemy. When I worked conditioner through my hair in the shower, strands wrapped around my hands like a glove. Using my thumb, I pushed off a golf ball sized wad of hair each day and filled a trash can each week. Along with hair loss came increased fatigue, breathlessness, nausea, loss of appetite, and believe it or not, a severe distaste for chocolate — the most puzzling symptom of all. I assumed these unfortunate signs were members of the lupus family. According to what I read they belonged.

The day came when my assumption proved false. While getting dressed I looked down and noticed my abdomen protruding. As I stood sideways next to the mirror and mentally recalled my new symptoms one by one it dawned on me … I had missed two periods. What I had been experiencing the previous four weeks wasn’t lupus at all. I was pregnant.

Questions whirled around me like wind gusts trying to knock me down, “Will my immune system attack the fetus? Am I healthy enough to do this? I don’t even have a definite diagnosis yet. God, what are you up to?” Steve’s classes were about to end, we’d drive back to Tennessee, and he would head off to Fort Leavenworth, Kansas, for the last phase of school. We made arrangements for me to stay with a friend if necessary.

In the meantime, I kept the little discovery to myself as we prepared to drive back to Fort Campbell, Kentucky. I marveled at the fact that neither Steve nor I knew I was pregnant during the entire month we were together. It was God’s secret until now, and I couldn’t help but wonder what was around the corner. It’s a blessing that I didn’t know in advance.

THE JOURNEY CONTINUES …

Welcome back to Life Happens – Jesus Answers in 2010. For those of you who are new to this column, I’m in the process of sharing my personal journey of transformation that has occurred over the last decade. You can get caught up from the beginning of the journey by accessing previous entries in Life Happens – Jesus Answers under “categories”.

Remember, in this new day of a new month in a new year and a new decade, God is doing a new thing, and He always has the best in mind for you no matter what your circumstances might be (Isaiah 43:18-19; Romans 8:28-30). People change and things change, but Our Lord is steadfast, faithful, and unchanging. As you walk with Him this year, rely on the truth of Scripture. Rely on His consistent love and grace. Rely on His strength and stability. But most of all rely on Him.

_______________________________

Life Happens – Jesus Answers” is a weekly column addressing the challenges we face in life, coupled with the presence and grace of Jesus, our One True Source of hope and peace. The column’s author, Laura Firtko, can be reached by email here: LifeHappens@pwoc.org

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Insults, Dippy Doctors, and a Road Trip

During my mysterious symptom accumulation, I landed in the office of a new primary care physician whose kindness and sensitivity were astounding. Not! After hearing me talk about my strange symptoms and the tentative diagnosis of “lupus” given by previous physicians, he examined me and asserted, “I think you have fibromyalgia which isn’t recognized by the medical community as a real condition. You are depressed and your symptoms are largely psychosomatic.” I replied, “You think these symptoms are in my head?! You think I’m making them up?” I was insulted.

How is it that I was given a fairly accurate diagnosis in Germany, then ended up at Fort Campbell with doctors who couldn’t agree? Part of the problem is that many autoimmune diseases mimic each other. Getting a final, accurate diagnosis is difficult until you have enough symptoms that fall into a certain category. It’s even harder with mixed connective tissue diseases because they can affect every part of the body. Ultimately, to be considered official, my diagnosis had to come from a rheumatologist — a doctor who specializes in autoimmune diseases like rheumatoid arthritis, lupus, and others. 

Unfortunately, specialists like these can be hard to find. The closest one who was available to see me in a reasonable amount of time was located an unreasonable distance away … in Bowling Green, Kentucky. Oh, it was only a two-hour drive. And, it didn’t matter that this doc spent more time in the hallway talking to his nurses than he did with me in the examining room, did it? Nor did it matter that he was from the Middle East and I couldn’t understand most of what he said. Although irresponsible of him, did it really matter that he offered me samples of prescription drugs for conditions I didn’t even have? No, not really. After all, to him I wasn’t a human being with feelings. I was a number preceded by a dollar sign. He had visions of greenbacks dancing in his head.

Drives, distances, and dollar signs aside, at least this specialist guessed that I probably had some kind of autoimmune disease. Wow, what a revelation! His guess was nothing new and he arrived at it without much investigation. As a result, I still didn’t have a definitive diagnosis from a rheumatologist. I suspect this dude gladly welcomed me to his office for as long as I would endure his malpractice. I visited him a couple more times then gave up.

Toward the end of February Steve traveled to Fort Jackson, South Carolina, to attend school. By early March my condition worsened. Cooking, cleaning, and shopping rendered me breathless and exhausted. I wasn’t eating enough and spent more time in bed. Something needed to change or I would deteriorate. So, I placed Bridgette, our beagle, in a friend’s care and managed to hitch a ride to Fort Jackson with a military family. They “just so happened” to be heading the direction I needed to go. Yeah, right. It was no accident. God is totally in control of everything. This was just one example of the Lord’s timely provision along this journey.

While Steve was in classes I had plenty of time to read and pray. Each day I sat in a cozy chair by the window and looked out toward the evergreens in the distance. They reminded me of the trees at Ramstein Air Base in Germany. It was beautiful there. I love God’s creation, and I dreamed of one day living in a place that had beautiful trees.

In the meantime, resting had top priority while new symptoms grabbed my attention. What I had experienced thus far paled in comparison to what lie ahead. This journey was about to lead me down Heartbreak Road.

TO BE CONTINUED …

Women of PWOC, stay connected! Life Happens – Jesus Answers will resume with the “Journey of Transformation, Part 6,” on Thursday, January 14, 2010.  The Blog will be featuring posts on Thanksgiving and Advent over the next 6 weeks.  Be sure to enjoy them and share them with your family and friends.

During this season, be sure to cherish the precious moments you have with your families, and reflect on the grace and provision that God extended to you in 2009.

Happy Thanksgiving, Merry Christmas, and Happy 2010 to all of you! When you’re walking through the commissary or down the street in your neighborhood, wish everyone you meet a “Merry Christmas!” After all, it’s only because of Christ that we have a reason to celebrate.

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Life Happens – Jesus Answers” is a weekly column addressing the challenges we face in life, coupled with the presence and grace of Jesus, our One True Source of hope and peace. The column’s author, Laura Firtko, can be reached by email here: LifeHappens@pwoc.org

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Beginnings and Endings

Along came November and December 2000. If I recall the holidays correctly, I flew to Colorado Springs, Colorado, for Thanksgiving, and Steve arrived later for Christmas. He brought our sweet little beagle, Bridgette, to spend the holidays with my family. Through the coming trial, Bridgette would be much more to me than a canine family member. She would be a tool in God’s hand to teach me important lessons about life and love. More about Bridgette down the road.

That Christmas, my family was more puzzled than concerned about my condition. To date the symptoms included swollen, inflamed gum tissue; facial rashes; burning hand skin; frost-bite sensation on my hands when exposed to cold water or frozen food; numb, white fingers that took a long time to come back to life; purple blotches on my hands, and fatigue. Although these symptoms were serious, they were more annoying than debilitating, and we continued to believe they would go away.

Despite our false beliefs, Mom took me to see a naturopathic physician. He initiated a program that included nutritional supplementation to help my immune system combat the “lupus.” It was this physician who informed me that I likely had Raynaud’s Syndrome also. This circulatory autoimmune disease is one that tends to tag along with its nasty sibling “lupus.” Raynaud’s Syndrome causes constriction of the blood vessels, typically in the extremities, when they get cold. This is what led to the symptoms on my hands. Upon returning to Clarksville, Tennessee, I continued my supplement regimen, and my journey with alternative medicine began. It wouldn’t cure me, but it complimented traditional treatment methods.

In January I continued attending PWOC and took on the role of Prayer Chairperson. This was my first attempt at leadership since Germany when I served as President/1st VP for a year. Unfortunately, it didn’t last long. Each new month brought new symptoms. The connective tissues in my hips and knees grew tighter making Pilates mat work impossible, and muscle fatigue decreased my exercise tolerance on the treadmill and elliptical trainer. My cardiovascular fitness would have allowed me to work harder on this equipment, but muscle fatigue forced me to move at a much slower pace. Frustration brewed in my soul like a percolating coffee pot, and I quit exercising altogether.

By the end of February I got winded so easily that I couldn’t stand during worship at PWOC. Feeling sheepish and regretful, I stepped down from my position as Prayer Chairperson. Never in my life had I “quit” anything so soon. Judgment and disdain glared at me from behind the eyes of the PWOC President who projected the perception that I had no reason to quit, and that I did so because it was too hard. This wasn’t the reaction I expected from a Christian woman in leadership, who also happened to be married to a Chaplain. Hadn’t she learned anything about love, grace and compassion? Apparently, what she hadn’t experienced was true hardship and suffering. As I was going to learn, there’s nothing like a personal, physical trial to develop the fruits of the Spirit (Gal. 5:22-26).

I remember signing in at PWOC one Tuesday morning, looking down at my hands, feeling alarmed and embarrassed at the deep purple blotches. No one else seemed to have any problems, but mine were getting worse. Strength, motivation, and energy ebbed away only to be replaced by weakness, lethargy, and sorrow. I felt like an anomaly, a freak, a side show, as my immune system morphed me into a broken woman. Even worse, I was about to hear words from my new primary care physician that would send me reeling into a pit of disbelief and confusion.

TO BE CONTINUED …

Women of PWOC, stay connected! In the coming weeks I will continue sharing my Journey of Transformation from being wounded and angry to healed and thriving. My purpose in sharing this story is to glorify God, to show the truth about Him, to display His goodness and provision in the midst of suffering, and to give you hope. No matter where you find yourself at this time in your life, be assured that God is trustworthy and faithful despite how you feel about Him. He does have good plans for you. “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” (Jer. 29:11).

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Life Happens – Jesus Answers” is a weekly column addressing the challenges we face in life, coupled with the presence and grace of Jesus, our One True Source of hope and peace. The column’s author, Laura Firtko, can be reached by email here: LifeHappens@pwoc.org

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Doctor! Doctor!

In July 2000 we packed our household goods, cleaned our apartment, moved into the Ray Barracks guest house, and eagerly anticipated our PCS to Fort Campbell, Kentucky. My “lupus” symptoms hadn’t changed. As far as I could tell, the condition remained isolated to my gum tissue, and I kept hoping it would go away.

By the end of August we were settled into our little rented house in Clarksville, Tennessee, and I began exercising. I felt fine and seemed relatively healthy except for the red rash that appeared across my nose and cheeks. I looked like Mrs. Tomato Head, especially after exercising. Needless to say, I was embarrassed to be seen at the fitness center.

In September the skin on my hands became extremely sensitive. It felt like third-degree sunburn each time I handled the window shade cords or attempted to tie my shoelaces. Any object with a ridged or slightly rough texture caused a burning sensation. When October brought three raised red bumps to my forehead, it was time to get this mysterious disease investigated more thoroughly. Unfortunately, my first few visits to primary care doctors and physicians’ assistants (PAs) resulted in frustration and serious doubt about the medical profession. The first doctor told me the skin changes would subside in a couple weeks and not to worry about them. One PA told me I had rosacea (reddening of the facial skin that usually occurs in older adults). My eyes got big, my anger rose up, my mouth wanted to yell, “You have got to be kidding me! This isn’t rosacea! You’re not serious, are you?” Instead, I simply asked, “Are you sure this isn’t something more like lupus? After all, that’s what other doctors have suggested.” Then she shot a wide-eyed gaze at me as if I had no business questioning her. Gimme a break. She couldn’t have been more wrong.

Eventually I landed in the office of a dermatologist who actually seemed to give a rip. Results of a skin biopsy led him also to “suspect” lupus. At this stage it only appeared to be discoid lupus – a less serious form that remains isolated to the skin. He did warn me, though, that it could become systemic, meaning full-blown Systemic Lupus Erythematosus (SLE). Hadn’t I heard that before from a certain periodontist in Hanau, Germany? Hmmm … I vaguely recall … Yes! Now two different doctors agreed with each other. In order to halt the progression of the disease, the dermatologist prescribed a drug called Plaquenil, an anti-malarial drug, interestingly enough. Did it help? I don’t remember, but I didn’t get malaria! Whew. Close call.

Following one of those uplifting dermatology appointments, I went to the restroom and examined my face in the mirror. Fear of the unknown swirled around within me as denial rose to the surface and evaporated. Reality was staring back at me. I inquired of the Lord, “Father, what’s happening to me? Is this rash going to scar me for life? Will it ever go away? Will I ever be the same? How long will this last?” The reflection in the mirror was of someone I never saw before and didn’t care to see repeatedly. I recalled the days when people complimented my skin. After this, could anyone bear to look at me?

God had the answers to my questions, and He chose to reveal them one step at a time, one symptom at a time, one day, one month, and one year at a time. The trial before me would be treacherous. It’s a good thing I didn’t know what was next.

TO BE CONTINUED …        

Women of PWOC, stay connected! In the coming weeks I will continue sharing my Journey of Transformation from being wounded and angry to healed and thriving. My purpose in sharing this story is to glorify God, to show the truth about Him, to display His goodness and provision in the midst of suffering, and to give you hope. No matter where you find yourself at this time in your life, be assured that God is trustworthy and faithful despite how you feel about Him. He does have good plans for you. “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” (Jer. 29:11).

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Life Happens – Jesus Answers” is a weekly column addressing the challenges we face in life, coupled with the presence and grace of Jesus, our One True Source of hope and peace. The column’s author, Laura Firtko, can be reached by email here: LifeHappens@pwoc.org

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The Journey Begins

Reaching the end of yourself is a good thing. For many people, reaching the end of themselves means that they’re totally sick of their stupid, unhealthy behavior, and they’re ready to change it. That’s where I was in 1999 – ready and willing to change, but powerless to do it.

None of us has the power to accomplish anything of true worth or value, including changing ourselves, apart from Christ (John 15:5). I had acknowledged that I was helpless and hopeless for the task. I had cried out to God with sincerity and desperation. I waited. I expected. I anticipated a swift supernatural deliverance from the strongholds within. Wasn’t God in the business of rescuing His children from Satan’s grip? Hadn’t I suffered and lost enough? How I ended up wasn’t my fault. It was my parents’ fault, wasn’t it? Yes, they were responsible for shaping me into the damaged woman I became. However, as an adult, I needed to take responsibility for my condition and embark on a process of overcoming and reversing the damage.

God started the process for me. It began slowly. In January 2000 my gums became swollen and enflamed. I expected this unusual condition to pass. After three months I went to the dentist and he suggested I try a different toothpaste for two weeks. It didn’t help. Next on his list was a visit to a periodontist in Hanau. This gum specialist did lab work and took a biopsy of my gums. He suspected I had something awful like lupus or leukemia. Two weeks later I returned to his office.

The news was good and bad. My white blood cell count was normal, so the doctor didn’t suspect leukemia. However, the gum tissue biopsy showed inflammation, a telltale sign of Systemic Lupus Erythematosis (SLE). Although the doctor’s diagnosis wasn’t conclusive, he suspected that I did have early onset SLE, a potentially life-threatening autoimmune disease. For those of you who aren’t familiar with autoimmune diseases, “auto” means “self” and “immune” means the immune system is involved. My immune system was confused. It attacked harmful invaders in my body like it was supposed to, but it kept going and began to attack perfectly healthy tissue. In essence, my immune system was attacking me.

This news came at a time when my husband, Steve, was deployed to Kosovo. Why is it that every time I received bad news or experienced something traumatic, I was alone? God was in the process of causing me to run to Him and rely on Him first and foremost. This I realized years later after spending plenty of time fussing, fuming and worrying.

On the trip home from Hanau to Friedberg I stared through the windshield, dazed. Questions bounced around in my head like pinballs. I knew of women who had died from kidney failure brought on by lupus. Was that going to happen to me? Was I going to get seriously ill and die? Why was this happening? Why am I alone with this news? It was April 2000 and we were due to PCS to Fort Campbell, Kentucky, in July.

TO BE CONTINUED …

Women of PWOC, stay connected! In the coming weeks I will continue sharing my Journey of Transformation from being wounded and angry to healed and thriving. My purpose in sharing this story is to glorify God, to show the truth about Him, to display His goodness and provision in the midst of suffering, and to give you hope. No matter where you find yourself at this time in your life, be assured that God is trustworthy and faithful despite how you feel about Him. He does have good plans for you. “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” (Jer. 29:11).

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LauraFirtko_100509Life Happens – Jesus Answers” is a weekly column addressing the challenges we face in life, coupled with the presence and grace of Jesus, our One True Source of hope and peace. The column’s author, Laura Firtko, can be reached by email here: LifeHappens@pwoc.org

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