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Journey of Transformation, Part 24

Jesus Answers, Life Happens, Life Happens Jesus Answers, Real life stories, Testimonies, Uncategorized

May 272010

God and Doctors

God doesn’t often heal people on the spot. He usually heals them through the skilled hand of a physician or surgeon, or he takes them home which is the best healing of all, or he provides other wellness professionals to combat their afflictions.

My mother introduced me to the world of natural medicine through a naturopathic physician who was knowledgeable in nutrition, holistic medicine, and homeopathic remedies. His recommendations helped her so she thought he could help me too.

Upon his first examination he concluded that dermatomyositis seemed like a possibility in a mix of connective tissue diseases. The challenge at this point was nailing it down definitively. That would require additional blood tests performed by my other doctors. But they had either done all they could within their scope of practice or refused to do more. Because the rheumatologist was stuck on lupus based on basic lab tests, he wasn’t willing to test for anything else. So we went with the lupus diagnosis which really didn’t make that much of a difference to the naturopath. Different autoimmune diseases are treated in similar ways. With a blend of multivitamins, powders, liquids, and other healthful substances I launched an attack on the disease from a different angle.

In the meantime, my primary care physician referred me to a nutritionist who concurred with the naturopath that I needed to eat more protein and healthy fats to lower my triglycerides, thereby lowering my heart disease ratio which shot off the chart. Of course this had nothing to do with my autoimmune condition but it was an important piece of information that affected my overall health. In addition, the primary care physician prescribed prednisone which seems to be the go-to drug used for autoimmune diseases. I dreaded its side effects and hoped the supplement program suggested by the naturopath would lessen the effects of the drug. I even hoped the supplements would be effective enough to control the disease so I could quit taking prednisone. That remained to be seen.

Through December and January I continued my treatment plan. By the time February 2002 rolled around Steve made plans to come get me. Turns out he didn’t end up going to Afghanistan after all. So my visit with Judy and the folks would come to an end and my care would be interrupted. At least I wasn’t attached to my rheumatologist. That was no loss. Maybe I would get a new one.

Steve and I stayed for a few days before returning home. On our road trip from Colorado to Tennessee I indulged in Goobers and Raisinettes, crackers, chips and nuts. Hey, the nutritionist and naturopath told me I needed to eat more fat and protein to lower my triglycerides. What better way is there than eating chocolate covered peanuts! I took their advice to heart. It was the yummiest and most painless remedy I’d ever have.

The ensuing months at Fort Campbell would prove interesting. Prednisone damage would show up. The disease would take a new turn. An appointment with a new rheumatologist would be missed. And a compassionate reassignment would be necessary.

THE JOURNEY CONTINUES:

As I reflect on the events of those years I see clearly how God had everything worked out ahead of time. He does go before us preparing the way. Keep checking in each week to see what He does, how He leads, how He provides. And yes, how He takes me deeper than I’d ever gone before. There’s nothing like constant companions Sorrow and Suffering to take one deeper into the realm of inner change and surrender.

If you are enduring, or have endured, an extremely rough season in your life and you’ve never read the book Hinds’ Feet on High Places by Hannah Hurnard, I recommend reading it. Watch how the Chief Shepherd transforms little Much-Afraid on her journey to the high places. It will touch your heart.

The Sovereign Lord is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to go on the heights (Habakkuk 3:19).

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Life Happens – Jesus Answers is a weekly column addressing the challenges we face in life, coupled with the presence and grace of Jesus, our One True Source of hope and peace. The column’s author, Laura Firtko, can be reached by email here: LifeHappens@pwoc.org

Journey of Transformation, Part 23

Jesus Answers, Life Happens, Life Happens Jesus Answers, Real life stories, Testimonies

May 202010

Clash of the Specialists

It was November 2001 when I landed in the dermatologist’s office. Dr. Honl was kind, compassionate, professional, and deeply concerned about me. Days later I ended up in the rheumatologist’s office. Dr. Linney (name has been changed) wasn’t so concerned.

The battle of the specialists began.

The first time I visited Dr. Honl she carefully examined my skin. When she noticed my shins she asked, “Do you ever use lotion?” I replied, “Yes, but it takes too much energy to get down there and apply it. I don’t do it often.” The skin looked dry and scaly, almost with a marbled, shiny appearance.

She looked at my fingers and toes. Apparently the ulcers that were forming on the bottoms of my big toes did so because circulation was lacking. The Raynaud’s Syndrome was kicking in more and my hands and feet often turned purple. It was hard to keep them warm. The calcifications and burning sensations on my knuckles and finger tips definitely suggested a serious autoimmune problem.

After assessing me completely Dr. Honl announced, “I think you have a connective tissue disease called dermatomyositis. The skin lesions and muscle weakness are consistent with that.” I told her that other doctors stood firm on the diagnosis of lupus. She was certain that these new eruptions were not signs of lupus although there could possibly be some lupus mixed in. Was she correct?

An official diagnosis had to come from a rheumatologist – a specialist who deals with autoimmune diseases. I’d been here before. The rheumatologist I saw in Bowling Green, Kentucky, who seemed more interested in collecting his fees than he was in helping me, was the guy who gave the “official” lupus diagnosis. But now maybe I would have a doctor who would exert some effort in nailing down this mysterious disease process.

Tri Care assigned me to a rheumatologist named Dr. Linney who happened to be the same one my sister saw. Some doctors are better than others and both of us struck out with this one. After examining me he affirmed the standing diagnosis, “You have lupus.” I said, “Dr. Honl, my dermatologist, thinks that I show definite signs of dermatomyositis.” How did he respond?

Dr. Linney’s cold demeanor nearly made me shiver. There wasn’t a hint of warmth or concern in his expression. With a determined arrogance he refused to give Dr. Honl’s diagnosis a second glance. Something was wrong. I sensed in my spirit that this guy was putting his pride before his patient. It was clear to me that he stood firm on his opinion because he couldn’t handle conceding to a dermatologist – a female dermatologist at that. After all, he was the big rheumatologist and he had to be right! But was he?

Power and control. That’s what it was all about. Where did that leave me? I revisited my Merck Manual and read about dermatomyositis. It sounded scary. It could put me in wheelchair. It could take my life. But for the time being, lupus reigned.

A year from this point I finally would have the right answers, but until that time God had more things in store for me – a visit with a naturopathic physician was on the horizon.

THE JOURNEY CONTINUES:

Through life’s uncertainties I have learned to lean on Christ. If I never had any problems, if I got all the answers I wanted, and if everyone agreed and got along . . . I’d be living in Pleasantville where everything is black and white. Boring! I want color! I want vibrancy! I want to live.

Regrettably, living involves pain. Living involves unanswered questions. Living involves power struggles between people who won’t agree. Life is a big mystery held in the hands of a big God who has something bigger in mind than we can comprehend. Trusting and waiting are hard, but they are what I must do.

Since ancient times no one has heard, no ear has perceived, no eye has seen any God besides you, who acts on behalf of those who wait for him (Isaiah 64:4).

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Journey of Transformation, Part 10

Life Happens Jesus Answers, Real life stories, Testimonies

Feb 112010

Holding It Together

The kind ob/gyn managed to contact my friend and then invited me to sit down on the blue plastic chair placed against the wall behind her desk. I sat in that chair, rocking forward and back, arms wrapped around my midsection. The rocking was instinctive. I either was attempting to comfort my shattered soul; or I was subconsciously rocking the newborn I would never hold. Like Jackie Kennedy scrambling to collect a piece of John’s skull from the back of their open convertible the day he was assassinated, I was desperately grasping the womb that encased my dead baby.

I stared at the floor, expressionless; feeling battered and bruised on the inside. It was all emotion. The wailing episode had drained me. My brain became more and more disengaged as I slipped into autopilot. But this dark journey had just begun and I needed to stay present.

The doctor proceeded to call the Red Cross. It was their job to locate and notify Steve. Little did I know it would take extra effort and a lot of time for them to succeed. As the ob/gyn initiated her phone call, the male nurse who had shoved tissue into my hand earlier came to escort me to a different doctor. He led me out of the examining room to the right, down a corridor, through the halls. I was in a fog. Nothing seemed real. Everything was blurry. I put one foot in front of the other, staying directly behind him, keeping my head straight without turning to the right or the left.

As we walked down the center of the hallway, we cut a path requiring people to walk around us. Through my peripheral vision I caught glimpses of pregnant women passing me on both sides. Today that memory brings to mind God’s parting of the Red Sea. He cut a path through the water so the people could cross. In my case, I carried death down the corridor while life passed by me. It seemed cruel. If I could have mustered the strength, I might have screamed.

The date of this dreadful event was Friday, April 20, 2001. The new doctor explained that even though I hadn’t had any cramping or significant bleeding up to that point, it could happen over the weekend which would make this situation much worse. He encouraged me to schedule a D & C for later that afternoon. (Dilation and Curettage — A common procedure used to remove tissue that hasn’t been expelled on its own. It also stops bleeding and prevents infection.) Because the day was getting older and operating rooms were filling up, I had to decide quickly.

It was so abrupt. I had just arrived at the hospital at 9:30 a.m. to be examined; then one hour later learned I’d had a miscarriage; and then I was strongly encouraged to get rid of the contents of my womb. Just like that. Still, reason and wisdom took control over the grief and anger I felt brewing inside. I’ve always been practical; doing what makes the most sense. Even during the most unbearable loss of my life, I managed to pull myself out of autopilot and use my brain. Or was the Holy Spirit responsible for that? He had to be holding me together.

TO BE CONTINUED:

Women of PWOC, and other interested parties, stay connected for the rest of the story. It will continue as long as the Lord allows. If you’re a little lost, and would like to get caught up, feel free to read previous entries in Life Happens – Jesus Answers under “Categories.” Until next time, may God bless you with peace and joy as you traverse your week.

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Life Happens – Jesus Answers is a weekly column addressing the challenges we face in life, coupled with the presence and grace of Jesus, our One True Source of hope and peace. The column’s author, Laura Firtko, can be reached by email here: LifeHappens@pwoc.org

Journey of Transformation, Part 8

Jesus Answers, Life Happens, Life Happens Jesus Answers, Real life stories, Testimonies

Jan 282010

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Unexpected Loss

After my first ob/gyn visit I went home still unsure what to think. The 10.5 week old fetus seemed normal but it had developed only to 9.5 weeks and the doctor’s incongruent words, tone, and body language suggested there could be a problem. With that I trusted God with the pregnancy knowing His will would be accomplished.

During the next week I continued studying my Merck Manual to read about risk factors and possible symptoms to watch for. The days progressed without incident until Friday, April 20, 2001, when as a precaution I called the doctor’s office to inquire about the light spotting I noticed.

The nurse on the other end of the line encouraged me to get checked even though the symptoms were insignificant. So I ended up at the doctor’s office at 9:30 a.m. I patiently sat in the waiting room eating an egg and a banana not expecting bad news. According to the Merck Manual my symptoms seemed harmless.

A nurse came to take my vital signs and weight. I had lost a couple pounds but certainly wasn’t trying to, especially during pregnancy. I commented on the weight loss and the nurse said many women lose weight during the first several weeks. I latched onto her reassurance like a security blanket as she led me into an examining room and asked me to change.

In short order a female ob/gyn came in to perform a sonogram. I remember lying on the table looking at the screen oblivious to the whole process. It looked different from the sonogram the week before but I still thought everything was normal. Then the ob/gyn called someone else into the room. I don’t know who this other person was. She was wearing scrubs and didn’t look like a doctor. There was no introduction and she never looked at me. She simply looked at the screen, shook her head, turned and left the room.

Perplexed, I observed all this activity without a word from anyone. Then the doctor had me look at the screen. All I could see was a white shadow. She pointed to where the heartbeat should have been and said, “There’s no heartbeat. The fetus is no longer viable.” Denial set in. How could this be? Did the equipment malfunction? How could this sonogram picture be so strikingly different from the first one? How could this fetus go from a live, active, kicking baby to a white shadowy blob in just a few days? There had been no cramping, no bleeding, no symptoms whatsoever except for minor spotting. How could this much destruction happen without any sign at all? I thought they must have made a mistake. Questions railed against the sides of my brain but I was too stunned to ask them out loud.

Shock began to set in as I laid back down on the table. Grief gradually enshrouded me with a blanket of sorrow and the atmosphere in the room grew silent and dreary. No one said anything. The male tech shoved a couple pieces of tissue in my left hand as if to declare, “I know what’s coming!” Then he and the doctor stepped out so I could get dressed.

One would think I’d just been shot in the chest or struck with a two-by-four. I was dumbfounded. But something rumbled deep in my soul that was soon to erupt.

THE JOURNEY CONTINUES …

Remember, in this new day of a new month in a new year and a new decade, God is doing a new thing, and He always has the best in mind for you no matter what your circumstances might be (Isaiah 43:18-19; Romans 8:28-30). People change and things change, but Our Lord is steadfast, faithful, and unchanging. As you walk with Him this year, rely on the truth of Scripture. Rely on His consistent love and grace. Rely on His strength and stability. But most of all rely on Him.

For those of you who are new to this column, I’m in the process of sharing my personal journey of transformation that has occurred over the last decade. You can get caught up from the beginning of the journey by accessing previous entries in Life Happens – Jesus Answers under “categories.”

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“Life Happens – Jesus Answers” is a weekly column addressing the challenges we face in life, coupled with the presence and grace of Jesus, our One True Source of hope and peace. The column’s author, Laura Firtko, can be reached by email here: LifeHappens@pwoc.org

Journey of Transformation, Part 7

Life Happens Jesus Answers, Real life stories, Testimonies

Jan 212010

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Confirmation and Concern

The first week of April 2001 Steve and I returned to Clarksville, Tennessee. Within days he headed west to Fort Leavenworth, Kansas, for the last phase of school. Although friends invited me to stay with them, I chose to stay home. Besides, I had news I wasn’t willing to share yet, and I needed time to myself.

I visited my primary care doctor to verify the pregnancy, and I clearly remember the moment he returned to the exam room with test results. He handed me the printout so I could see it for myself — “Positive for HCG” — the pregnancy hormone. This doctor, the same one who suggested my autoimmune symptoms were psychosomatic, now asked an important question: “Is this good news?” “Yes,” I replied, “but I don’t know what to think. What about the lupus?” He attempted to reassure me that many women with lupus deliver healthy babies and he added a sincere “I’m happy for you.”

I walked through the hospital out to the parking lot, opened the door to our Plymouth Voyager minivan, climbed inside … and sat there. Bewildered, I prayed, “Lord, I’m happy but also concerned and confused. The timing is strange. This would be good news under better conditions, but I just don’t know what to think.”

At 35, with risk factors and a mysterious autoimmune disease, I was referred to an OB/GYN who specialized in high risk pregnancies. During the days leading up to my appointment, I read through my Merck manual to learn more about pregnancy risks in case something happened. At this point, Steve still didn’t know about the pregnancy. I wanted to tell him in person and expected the opportunity to arrive in subsequent weeks.

On Friday, April 13, 2001, I arrived at the OB/GYN’s office. I sat in the waiting room looking around at the other pregnant women, some with husbands by their side. I was the oldest in the room and felt conspicuously alone. This wasn’t the first time I was alone during a significant event nor would it be the last. So, I experienced the wonder of prenatal sonography by myself.

Floating around in amniotic fluid inside my womb was an active baby at 10.5 weeks. I could see the shape of the head, eye sockets, nose and mouth. The little arms were lifted up with hands together in a praying position. The heartbeat moved up and down gently. The legs and feet were clearly defined, kicking energetically as the baby rolled back and forth. I sensed he was a boy because he had a wide, strong back. Everything looked normal but his frantic kicking concerned me. The doctor said some babies are really active. But when he pointed out that the fetus had developed only to 9.5 weeks my heart sank. Showing no signs of concern, the doctor took a couple quick sonogram pictures and my appointment was over.

As I walked past the doctor’s desk toward the door, he spoke, “This is going to be a healthy pregnancy. Everything is going to be fine. It’s going to be good.” His tone was dull and his words were flat. It was as if he was trying to convince himself while mindlessly uttering false hope at me. I turned to look at him but he didn’t make eye contact. The incongruence of his words, tone of voice, and facial expression betrayed him and I wondered what he really thought. Still, I believed that if there was something I needed to know, he would have told me, and his words evaporated … until later.

THE JOURNEY CONTINUES …

Welcome back to Life Happens – Jesus Answers in 2010. For those of you who are new to this column, I’m in the process of sharing my personal journey of transformation that has occurred over the last decade. You can get caught up from the beginning of the journey by accessing previous entries in Life Happens – Jesus Answers under “categories”.

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Journey of Transformation, Part 5

Life Happens Jesus Answers, Real life stories, Testimonies

Nov 192009

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Insults, Dippy Doctors, and a Road Trip

During my mysterious symptom accumulation, I landed in the office of a new primary care physician whose kindness and sensitivity were astounding. Not! After hearing me talk about my strange symptoms and the tentative diagnosis of “lupus” given by previous physicians, he examined me and asserted, “I think you have fibromyalgia which isn’t recognized by the medical community as a real condition. You are depressed and your symptoms are largely psychosomatic.” I replied, “You think these symptoms are in my head?! You think I’m making them up?” I was insulted.

How is it that I was given a fairly accurate diagnosis in Germany, then ended up at Fort Campbell with doctors who couldn’t agree? Part of the problem is that many autoimmune diseases mimic each other. Getting a final, accurate diagnosis is difficult until you have enough symptoms that fall into a certain category. It’s even harder with mixed connective tissue diseases because they can affect every part of the body. Ultimately, to be considered official, my diagnosis had to come from a rheumatologist — a doctor who specializes in autoimmune diseases like rheumatoid arthritis, lupus, and others.

Unfortunately, specialists like these can be hard to find. The closest one who was available to see me in a reasonable amount of time was located an unreasonable distance away … in Bowling Green, Kentucky. Oh, it was only a two-hour drive. And, it didn’t matter that this doc spent more time in the hallway talking to his nurses than he did with me in the examining room, did it? Nor did it matter that he was from the Middle East and I couldn’t understand most of what he said. Although irresponsible of him, did it really matter that he offered me samples of prescription drugs for conditions I didn’t even have? No, not really. After all, to him I wasn’t a human being with feelings. I was a number preceded by a dollar sign. He had visions of greenbacks dancing in his head.

Drives, distances, and dollar signs aside, at least this specialist guessed that I probably had some kind of autoimmune disease. Wow, what a revelation! His guess was nothing new and he arrived at it without much investigation. As a result, I still didn’t have a definitive diagnosis from a rheumatologist. I suspect this dude gladly welcomed me to his office for as long as I would endure his malpractice. I visited him a couple more times then gave up.

Toward the end of February Steve traveled to Fort Jackson, South Carolina, to attend school. By early March my condition worsened. Cooking, cleaning, and shopping rendered me breathless and exhausted. I wasn’t eating enough and spent more time in bed. Something needed to change or I would deteriorate. So, I placed Bridgette, our beagle, in a friend’s care and managed to hitch a ride to Fort Jackson with a military family. They “just so happened” to be heading the direction I needed to go. Yeah, right. It was no accident. God is totally in control of everything. This was just one example of the Lord’s timely provision along this journey.

While Steve was in classes I had plenty of time to read and pray. Each day I sat in a cozy chair by the window and looked out toward the evergreens in the distance. They reminded me of the trees at Ramstein Air Base in Germany. It was beautiful there. I love God’s creation, and I dreamed of one day living in a place that had beautiful trees.

In the meantime, resting had top priority while new symptoms grabbed my attention. What I had experienced thus far paled in comparison to what lie ahead. This journey was about to lead me down Heartbreak Road.

TO BE CONTINUED …

Women of PWOC, stay connected! Life Happens – Jesus Answers will resume with the “Journey of Transformation, Part 6,” on Thursday, January 14, 2010. The Blog will be featuring posts on Thanksgiving and Advent over the next 6 weeks. Be sure to enjoy them and share them with your family and friends.

During this season, be sure to cherish the precious moments you have with your families, and reflect on the grace and provision that God extended to you in 2009.

Happy Thanksgiving, Merry Christmas, and Happy 2010 to all of you! When you’re walking through the commissary or down the street in your neighborhood, wish everyone you meet a “Merry Christmas!” After all, it’s only because of Christ that we have a reason to celebrate.

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PWOC International Blog

Journey of Transformation, Part 24

God and Doctors

Journey of Transformation, Part 23

Clash of the Specialists

Journey of Transformation, Part 10

Holding It Together

Journey of Transformation, Part 8

Unexpected Loss

Journey of Transformation, Part 7

Confirmation and Concern

Journey of Transformation, Part 5

Insults, Dippy Doctors, and a Road Trip

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