Beginnings and Endings
Along came November and December 2000. If I recall the holidays correctly, I flew to Colorado Springs, Colorado, for Thanksgiving, and Steve arrived later for Christmas. He brought our sweet little beagle, Bridgette, to spend the holidays with my family. Through the coming trial, Bridgette would be much more to me than a canine family member. She would be a tool in God’s hand to teach me important lessons about life and love. More about Bridgette down the road.
That Christmas, my family was more puzzled than concerned about my condition. To date the symptoms included swollen, inflamed gum tissue; facial rashes; burning hand skin; frost-bite sensation on my hands when exposed to cold water or frozen food; numb, white fingers that took a long time to come back to life; purple blotches on my hands, and fatigue. Although these symptoms were serious, they were more annoying than debilitating, and we continued to believe they would go away.
Despite our false beliefs, Mom took me to see a naturopathic physician. He initiated a program that included nutritional supplementation to help my immune system combat the “lupus.” It was this physician who informed me that I likely had Raynaud’s Syndrome also. This circulatory autoimmune disease is one that tends to tag along with its nasty sibling “lupus.” Raynaud’s Syndrome causes constriction of the blood vessels, typically in the extremities, when they get cold. This is what led to the symptoms on my hands. Upon returning to Clarksville, Tennessee, I continued my supplement regimen, and my journey with alternative medicine began. It wouldn’t cure me, but it complimented traditional treatment methods.
In January I continued attending PWOC and took on the role of Prayer Chairperson. This was my first attempt at leadership since Germany when I served as President/1st VP for a year. Unfortunately, it didn’t last long. Each new month brought new symptoms. The connective tissues in my hips and knees grew tighter making Pilates mat work impossible, and muscle fatigue decreased my exercise tolerance on the treadmill and elliptical trainer. My cardiovascular fitness would have allowed me to work harder on this equipment, but muscle fatigue forced me to move at a much slower pace. Frustration brewed in my soul like a percolating coffee pot, and I quit exercising altogether.
By the end of February I got winded so easily that I couldn’t stand during worship at PWOC. Feeling sheepish and regretful, I stepped down from my position as Prayer Chairperson. Never in my life had I “quit” anything so soon. Judgment and disdain glared at me from behind the eyes of the PWOC President who projected the perception that I had no reason to quit, and that I did so because it was too hard. This wasn’t the reaction I expected from a Christian woman in leadership, who also happened to be married to a Chaplain. Hadn’t she learned anything about love, grace and compassion? Apparently, what she hadn’t experienced was true hardship and suffering. As I was going to learn, there’s nothing like a personal, physical trial to develop the fruits of the Spirit (Gal. 5:22-26).
I remember signing in at PWOC one Tuesday morning, looking down at my hands, feeling alarmed and embarrassed at the deep purple blotches. No one else seemed to have any problems, but mine were getting worse. Strength, motivation, and energy ebbed away only to be replaced by weakness, lethargy, and sorrow. I felt like an anomaly, a freak, a side show, as my immune system morphed me into a broken woman. Even worse, I was about to hear words from my new primary care physician that would send me reeling into a pit of disbelief and confusion.
TO BE CONTINUED …
Women of PWOC, stay connected! In the coming weeks I will continue sharing my Journey of Transformation from being wounded and angry to healed and thriving. My purpose in sharing this story is to glorify God, to show the truth about Him, to display His goodness and provision in the midst of suffering, and to give you hope. No matter where you find yourself at this time in your life, be assured that God is trustworthy and faithful despite how you feel about Him. He does have good plans for you. “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” (Jer. 29:11).
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“Life Happens – Jesus Answers” is a weekly column addressing the challenges we face in life, coupled with the presence and grace of Jesus, our One True Source of hope and peace. The column’s author, Laura Firtko, can be reached by email here: LifeHappens@pwoc.org
