A couple of weeks ago, my husband returned from a conference, had a few days at home and was off again to another one. Prior to this he’d been working till nearly midnight for 3 weeks straight. So, the night he came home from the first conference, it was late. My kids and I had been out that evening and got home minutes before he walked in the door. Thus bed time was delayed and there were other distractions with everything going on at once late at night. Finally the kids were in bed, we were heading there ourselves and then I got a phone call that I decided to answer (but knew could’ve waited till morning) and that took a bit longer than expected. I was distracted by other unimportant things before getting to bed at the same time as well. Eventually I found my way back to bed after the phone call and thought my husband was sleeping. A few minutes went by and I heard rustling and movement. (Indicators that something wasn’t right.) Finally he spoke up.
“I’ve been gone all week and I’m leaving again in a few days. I’ve missed my family and you are busy with other things, taking unnecessary phone calls and now it’s nearly midnight. All I wanted was to spend a little time with you. I don’t want to share you. I’m not going to share my wife.”
I could hear the hurt in his voice and in that moment I had two separate emotions that hit me at the same time. First, I felt the guilt of allowing things to come between us that evening, knowing that he had been away all week and had been waiting to come home to me. Secondly, I had this amazing feeling of how much he truly loves me and wanted me all to himself right then. My husband is not a man of many words and the compliments and endearments he gives are not over used. For him to say this made me feel like I was the only thing that mattered to him…..and….I had just let him down.
After we talked, I asked for his forgiveness for my neglect towards him and allowing other distractions to take precedence. That’s when the Holy Spirit gently nudged me and whispered, “That’s how I feel about you too.” (Cue heart stopping, revelation hitting hard while jaw drops to the ground.)
I was just reading in Deuteronomy that our God is a jealous God! He wants all of us. He doesn’t want to share us with anything outside of His will. Yet, we are distracted by so much and even though we have great intentions to be with Him, we continually allow the little things to come in and take priority over the time He wants with us. It’s time to put the things on hold that can wait a few minutes and come to Him. He is always waiting – patiently.
The song that has been coming to mind over the past couple of weeks is “How He Loves Us.” It has begun to take on a deeper meaning in my life because I experienced something so personal in the same way. He longs for our time and attention, even if it’s only a few minutes here and there. Think of all those text messages or 5 min. phone calls (or less) we try to sneak in with our husbands throughout the day just to check in or say “Love you! J” (Yes, smiley face!) I encourage you to stop long enough to acknowledge the Lover of your soul. Thank Him for being your Husband, Friend, Peace, etc., whatever He is to you in that moment. I had to learn my lesson with some difficulty, but I’m thankful to still be learning!
Kayla Atkins
