Submitted by Gwen Scott

“Arise, shine, for your light has come, and the glory of the LORD rises upon you.       Isaiah 60:1

The start of day 3-

I hear the birds chirping this morning. At the kitchen sink, an amazing blood orange sun rose over the neighbor’s house.  The morning java I’m sipping is better than any coffee shop brew I’ve tasted in a long time. I even gave myself a squirt of perfume before I came downstairs for the day. Have I been numb these past two days, these past few weeks, and not even known?  I hadn’t noticed that I wasn’t noticing these details lately. Maybe the emotion, the anticipation and grief of “losing” my soldier, was muddying my senses. That’s gotta be it, cause I wasn’t numb, I have felt real things –A LOT- this past month.  But as I climbed outta bed today, something was different. Maybe this is the joy that comes in the morning.  It’s not the kind of joy or excitement  that buzzes with celebration when you’re surrounded by people you love, with  hoots and hollers of laughter.  Not loud and exuberant. Not showy. It’s a quiet joy.  A contentment breaking thru the sadness, like that sunrise this morning. A light shining in the darkness. The darkness starts to disappear.

Submitted by Gwen Scott

The end of Day 2

Our second move (without my man) in less than a year, is coming quickly.  Johnny and I chose this one. It’ll be easier than the last. And once we’re settled, life will be a little simpler. We don’t have to say goodbye this time. Last summers’ farewells are still fresh enough.  It’s hard to believe it has been almost a whole YEAR since God replanted us here- which is nice to think, because maybe next May I will be thinking the same thing.

As I take down the curtains and the artwork, leaving the bare walls to patch, I sense God is doing a similar thing in my soul. Like He’s whispering to me while I wash off the scuffs.  He’s saying something when I empty off those shelves and purge stuff we don’t need or use. Some kind of work in me. He’s cleaning out. He’s stripping stuff away. Like a parallel in the physical and the spiritual, that I don’t exactly have words for yet.  It’s about time to reorganize, to change stuff around. Maybe some new priorities?  Redecorating! I don’t know what the new “place” is gonna look like completely. I have some ideas. It will definitely include some of the things I’ve acquired over the years. But it’s time to give up some junk too, get rid of clutter.  Simplification.  Time to make room for better things.  . I’m not sure exactly what it all means, but I’m getting excited.

New strength. I could feel it rising in me as the day went on. Some hope. A bigger realization that I can do this, through Christ. His power available to me, waiting to be accessed, but also already at work. His power made perfect in my weakness. Sounds crazy, but it’s truth. God’s Word does not return void. I don’t know how He does it, but He does. It’s part of who He is. A Healer. The Healer. He can heal our hearts, even our minds, if we let Him. Just like He heals our bodies.  It takes time. Sometimes longer than others. One morning the sore is still kinda raw, You try not to think about it, but an accidental bump makes it sting and reminds you it’s there. And then when you’re getting into bed that night, or maybe a few nights later, you realize, it’s not just scabbing over, it’s starting to go away. There’s a scar, but no pain.

I don’t mean that I don’t miss my hubby anymore. I  DO- more than I can explain with words.  And it still hurts. But the sting of him leaving does not feel the same way it did 48 hours ago.  I’m not gonna stop missing him, no matter how long he’s gone. I love him too much for that, he’s part of who I am.  But the rawness of reality has already started to scab over. My emotions are no longer ruling my heart. They’re still there, but I’m not letting them be in charge anymore. God made me a girl who feels deeply, and that is a good thing, it’s not a mistake. But He also created me as a daughter who understands her Daddy has planned His best for her. If this is what He has chosen, then I’m trusting it’s what’s best for me, even when it hurts. I’ll work with these emotions while I keep my gaze on Him. He’s binding up my broken heart. He’s not gonna let me sink. This story is not over, this chapter’s just getting started.

I am really looking forward to the day when I can take off this imaginary sign around my neck.  It is always noted by everyone I meet or come in contact with.  It seems to inevitably follow right after my name.  Even when I try to avoid it.

My name is Taryn.  My husband is deployed.

As I was thinking about how wonderful it will be to take this sign off — I thought about what introductions would look like afterwards.  Maybe I can just be Taryn.  No, you always have to have a little bit of information in an introduction.

My name is Taryn.  I’m John’s wife.

That’s better.  Not very heavy around my neck.  Actually this is worn on one of the fingers on my left hand.  It is much easier to carry.  Ask me more than that and I might get stressed though.

Somehow I’ve always seemed to covet easy introductions.  “Hi I’m Bob.  I’m a farmer.  This is my wife Judy.  We live in Mayberry.”  “Hi, I’m Fred.  I’m a businessman.  I work for X company and live in Bumblyburg.”  Those are nice.  So simple, to the point, and uncomplicated.  But what about these?  “Hi, I’m Mary.  I’m in college. What’s my major you ask?  Well… (WHY DO I ALWAYS HAVE TO ANSWER THIS QUESTION?  I’M NOT SURE AND I AM REALLY STRESSED OUT ABOUT IT AND DON’T REALLY WANT TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT IT!)”  “Hi, I’m George.  What do I do you ask? (WHY CAN’T I HAVE A SIMPLE CONVERSATION ABOUT SOMETHING OTHER THAN THE MOST PAINFUL THING IN MY LIFE RIGHT NOW?  I DON’T HAVE A JOB!  I’M NOT EVEN SURE WHAT I’M LOOKING FOR. THIS IS VERY PAINFUL FOR ME AND I DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT WITH EVERYONE I MEET!)”

Everyone has troubles and trials in their lives, I know.  It’s just such a pain when it’s forced out in the second sentence of an introduction!  How do we deal with these trials in life?  I’ve been reminded a lot these last few days that I need to fix my eyes on Christ.  That doesn’t make my troubles go away, but they fade off under the heading of “things under His control”.  In His glory and power and purpose and strength, the troubles shrink.  When I stare at my troubles they are huge mountains. When I stare at Him, He is so huge that He completely overshadows all else.

As I was trying to force my eyes off of my troubles today, I drug them over and stuck scripture in front of them (yes, it really is that kind of day).  His glory was shining right in front of my face.  He knows exactly what I need to read if I can just force my eyes to look at the page and my mind to focus.

Colossians 3:1-4  Since then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God.  Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.  For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God.  When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.

“Hi, my name is Taryn.  I am a follower of Christ.  I don’t always know what he has planned for me, but I’m going to keep talking to Him and giving him everything so that His perfect will can be done.  I’m nothing without Him.”

Can I say that as my introduction?  It would be the most true and most important thing I could say if I have the guts to say it!  And it is such a light yoke around my neck.

Submitted by Gwen Scott, Ft. Bragg

“…With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day. 9 The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you…”  2 Peter 3:8b-9a 

Still day 1

It feels like forever ago that I kissed him goodbye, but it seems like just minutes have passed. How long is a year? How did we do this before?  It’s surreal, but it’s for real, he’s on his way out of the country, on a mission. When I see him next, our kids will be another year older. Jonni will have her driver’s license. Maliek will probably be taller than him. Kara will look like a young lady, not a baby girl anymore.  (Hopefully I’ll be twenty pounds lighter!!) We will have lived in the next new house for longer than we have lived in this one.  We will be settled in a home that he has never stepped foot in.  It’s hard to fathom, even what our lives will look like by next spring. Who we will hang out with, what will we be into? My heart can’t really line up with my head right now, to digest the fact that my man won’t be pulling that little car into the driveway tonight. He won’t even be home late for dinner. There won’t be any sweaty PT clothes lying in front of the washer waiting to be washed.  No one is gonna turn on ESPN tonight. There really won’t be anyone to cuddle with under those cool sheets and that squishy down comforter that we love so much. Not any big reason to shave my legs!  No one will poke me in the night to let me know I’m snoring again. No one will nudge me in the morning to let me know it’s time to get up. I guess I will make less coffee. Who will ever finish that pack of raisin oatmeal? I already miss things that don’t seem like they could, or should, be missed.

How long will I stay on this edge of emotion?  How long will I be completely ok one minute and the verge of crying the next? What is my new normal? I don’t want a new normal. I want my best friend. The man of this house. I don’t like waterproof mascara. And I’m gonna need more eye gel soon.

But you know what? I am so completely honored to be the wife of a man who serves God and country at the same time. I am thankful to be his helpmeet and the mom of his kiddos. I love having his name. As much as I plain hate days like these, I can’t think of another life that I’d want to live. If he is a soldier, then I wanna be a soldier’s wife.  Period.

And I trust that there’s not a detail that God doesn’t know about. He delights in the details of our lives. He knows what my kids are thinking and feeling even when I cannot tell. He knows what I need even before I ask. Nothing is too big, or too little, for Him. Not a deployment. Not a cockroach. He is able, and I trust Him.

Submitted by Gwen Scott, Ft. Bragg, NC

In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength…… Isaiah 30:15

Day 2

Avoided going to bed last night, for a little while.  Like if I didn’t go up there, then there would not be an empty bed to get into.   The kids have been amazing. They truly are resilient. Thankful that God has given them to me, that I don’t have to do this year alone, alone. They were all tucked in, the house was dark and quiet again. How I like it—if Johnny is home.

I laid on the couch to watch a DVR’d show that I would usually save for after my hubby was home, so we could fast forward thru the commercials together.  The couch is more comfortable when he’s my pillow! And I think I almost made it to the end (Johnny always tells me if I wanna stay up, then I shouldn’t lay down), but must have fallen asleep, because all the sudden the Disney channel was blaring, I had missed a text from him, and I recognized it was time to make the dreaded climb up to the empty room. Make myself do it. Get it over with. Sleeping on the couch for a year is not a good plan.  Not for me at least. I need my rest.

Sometimes I tease the kids that I wish I had my own room like each one of them, but I now need to clarify. Now that I have my “own” room, I wish I didn’t.  I like sharing. I changed my mind. I don’t want my space. I want my man

There is less crying today, so far, less sadness, I think. Or maybe it’s just a little more controlled. Haven’t yet experienced the joy that comes in the morning. I still seem like I am on the verge of tears very easily, like the dam could break at any time. Even other emotions I feel trigger that lump in my throat, and I close my eyes and hold my breath to try and hold back the river. Something in me, my heart, I suppose, just feels literally broken. Like something’s missing. And of course, I know what it is, who it is.

A sweet friend reminded me this morning what God says thru Isaiah. “I, even I, am the one who comforts you.” I need that Comfort, that Help, My Advocate. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. That’s me. Broken hearted and crushed in spirit. That means He’s near. He’s fighting for me. That gives me hope.

Praying for my man today. Praying he will be filled with strength and peace from God Almighty. The Lord gives strength to His people, He blesses His people with peace. Praying he will be kept safe, and yet walk confidently and without fear. – just got a text  while I was typing- he’s still stuck in an airport waiting for airplane maintenance, still, not even left the country yet, I dropped him off over 24 hours ago.—Asking God to use this time for His glory and purposes. To rest these guys and prepare them for the mission.   It is nice to get this “extra” communication with him a little before he leaves, leaves.

Time to figure out the NEW NORMAL. What will my days look like? Not that any day is ever the same. Or season. We move a lot, and so our normals change often. He’s doing something new. My Story with Johnny, and Our Story with God, is not over, and it’s not even on pause. It’s just a new chapter.  He’s thickening the plot.  He’s taking us new places. Roads thru the wilderness. By water in the desert, maybe there will be green pastures, new mercies every morning…I’m ready to take this journey with Him. God show me the way. Order my steps today. Give me eyes to see and ears to hear what You are doing. May the desires of my heart come from You.

Submitted By Gwen Scott

Return to your rest, my soul, for the LORD has been good to you.

 Psalm 116:7

 

Been thinking about all the things I have to be grateful for today. The fact that I miss all those crazy little things is a good sign. My man being my best friend is something to be thankful about. I have a good man. One who takes care of me in so many ways, even down to loading music on my Iphone last night, so I would have his tunes while he was gone. One who leads me well. A wise daddy to our kids. No wonder I miss him.

Been wondering what God has in store for me, for my kids this year. Kind of afraid to ask Him, honestly. His ways are so much higher than mine. His thoughts so much better. I know He’s doing a new thing, just don’t know exactly what that new thing is. One thing is clear. He’s been reminding me for months now: BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD.

Shhhh….Be still, cease striving. Slow down. Be quiet. REST. Gwen Rest. Know that God is who He says He is, He does what He says He will. A Promise Keeper. Peace that passes all understanding. The Comforter who Protects. My Lord Who Provides. My Refuge. My Rock. Perfect Love that casts out all fear.A Hope that doesn’t disappoint.  A Joy that is my Strength. My Rescuer, My Deliverer. Without Him, it’s impossible. But not with Him. With Him, I can do all things.

He’s the one who knew me before I was born and had my days written in His book before I even existed. This deployment is not a surprise to Him. It’s part of His plan. I can rest in that. I can rest in Him.

 

Submitted by Carolyn Hudson

Like a lot of military families, our family loves to travel, see new places, and meet new people.  However, we all know that some trips are better than others.  It’s been my experience that the trips that we think are going to be the easy ones sometimes turn out to be the trickiest. 

We found ourselves on a journey like that in 2008.  We were preparing to move to Germany for our second time.  The first time, we’d lived in three homes, had a baby, and my husband had deployed from there.  We, along with our three children, thought we were very well prepared.  Within a few weeks of arriving, it became clear that this was not going to be like our previous tour.  There was a lot going on in both our unit and the community that was not healthy, and we were headed into a deployment.  In addition, we learned that we were expecting our fourth child.  Surprise!  So far this trip was not going quite as I’d planned.  

We then entered a deployment that was similar to being in a car wreck at least once a month.  Something terrible would happen; we would attempt to make it as right as possible, and then something else would happen.  The Lord was gracious and carried us through, but there were some very tough days during that time.  In the midst of this chaos, my sweet baby Josh was born.  He was a huge blessing from the day he arrived.  Everyone held and loved him, and always commented on how he was just a perfect baby. 

Eight months later, my husband and the rest of the unit returned home safely.  We were so thrilled to be back together as a family, and really ready to get back to life as normal.  However, within a month, my sweet, perfect baby Josh was diagnosed with Down’s syndrome at 9 months of age. 

So what do we do when the journey doesn’t go as expected?  What examples does Scripture give of people who found themselves on a journey where they weren’t sure of the outcome? 

The Apostle Paul is an excellent example of someone who trusted in the Lord with all his heart, every step of his journey.  The letters he wrote attest to all the places he visited, and his heart beat with the urgent need to follow the Lord’s calling to spread the Gospel.  He didn’t seem particularly concerned with how he got to those places – by his own free will, with a shipwreck en route, or in chains.  He only prayed that God would be magnified in his body, either by his life or death.

Hebrews 12:2 tells us to look “unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.”  I’ve understood for a while now that Jesus is the author of our faith, but I’ve only recently begun to understand that He is the finisher.  He gets to decide when we are finished.  We don’t get to tell Him when we are done, or when we don’t want to do something anymore.  It’s up to Him to decide the end, because only He knows where we’re going and what we need to look like when we are finished.

As we continue on our unexpected journey with Josh, we have really tried to focus on what Josh can do, rather than what he can’t.  As a result, we’ve experienced several unexpected blessings.  We have met people we never would have otherwise.  We have also grown in our compassion for others.  Our biggest desire is that God would be glorified through our family as we walk on this unexpected journey with Josh.  We know that there will be detours and rough spots, but I also know that in God’s wisdom, we are going to arrive when and where he wants us to.  And our desire as a family is to follow Him.

 

Submitted by Gwen Scott, Fort Bragg

The end of a thing is better than its beginning.

Ecclesiastes. 7:8

This morning I said goodbye (for now) again to the man of my dreams. I never imagined the life or relationship I would have with Johnny that day I met him outside the college cafeteria some 18 years ago.  Man, times flies. I give God all the glory for this life. I am ever so grateful for the man He placed in my life that day. We were just kids. But I knew the minute he called me “Taz”, and said I looked familiar, it was the beginning of something new God was doing.  Sounds crazy I know, but something inside of me did a flip right then, and my life has never been the same since. Like a piece of the puzzle snapped together.  Our story has bumps and turns, good times and bad, twists and trials; we’ve made our share of not so smart decisions along the way. But I wouldn’t trade it for anything. My story with Johnny. Our Story with God. It’s a story of redemption, a story of love, and a story about not giving up, a story filled with the fingerprints of God.  It was, and is still being, woven together by the Master Creator, ever so gently, and oh so beautifully.

The beginning of a deployment just plain SUCKS. Any seasoned army wife who has said it gets easier, LIED! IT gets HARDER! Yes, we learn to cope with this way of life. Yes, God blesses us with friends who are closer than family along the way. Yes, we can do these separations successfully and even joyfully at times. But saying goodbye to your best friend and lover NEVER gets easier. Telling the man you love most, “I’ll see you in a year”, hurts more than getting your wisdom teeth pulled, more than giving birth without an epidural. And I believe with time, it actually gets harder.  The longer I know my man, the more I love him. The more time we spend apart, the more I want to be with him. And I know from experiencing past separations, this year will have hard times. It will have lonely nights. There will be long, slow weekends. There will be days I just want daddy to come home and tell me what to do with these kids of ours.  Days when I just want a hug like only he can give me. I’ll miss fixing him his favorite meals. I’ll miss him being in the driver’s seat. My list could go on and on.  BUT, I also know, from the depth of who I am, that I can do this. Not on my own. Not at all by my own strength. But though Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior. All things are possible with Him. I can do more than survive this year. I can thrive.

As I look back to the beginning of our relationship, it wasn’t BAD, well, yeah it was, but it has DEFINITELY gotten BETTER. And I know it’s not the end. The end will be even better than now, I have no doubt. We’ve learned so much. We’ve experienced much. And we’re still growing. Together, and in our walks with Christ. He has good plans for us, a future full of hope.

This morning, and the month leading up to today, was not AWFUL, but it did hurt like heck. It’s been an emotional rollercoaster- especially for me, and I am pretty sure the ride’s not over yet. It’s been sprinkled with good times, joy in the midst of the trial. And even today, there was sweetness. One last morning with my man before the sun rose. Hot coffee. Holding hands. The quiet house, our prayer time. Of course I cried. It’s one of the things I will miss most. I will miss getting up early, while most of the world is still in bed. O-dark thirty is one of my favorite times of day because of Johnny.  I will miss the sweet morning times with him. I will miss holding his hands and praying over our day and our little family. I will miss sipping coffee in the quiet with him. I already long for him to come back so we can do it again. Our 15 year old got up to kiss him goodbye today. The other 2 said their goodbyes last night after a family fun night with pizza, cards, some good ole lego rock band, that ended with one of our favorite things to do together- eat ice cream.

We drove to Ft. Bragg, and I kissed him one last time before he walked away carrying those bags. That was it. I’ll see you in a year.  (Or hopefully maybe in about 8 months for a short R and R.)  I am so proud of that man. I am proud to be known as his wife. Household 6. I never knew I could love a person the way I love him. I never understood how 2 people could be ONE.  But we can, and we are. I got back in the van as half of me just walked away….. to get on an airplane and fly across the world, with a bunch of other green suitors who know what it means to sacrifice their lives for the sake of others….. I drove home in tears, full of sadness, but also with Peace. It’s Peace that doesn’t make sense, but that’s ok. Worship music playing as loud as it could go.  He has called us to this life. He has prepared the way. I don’t know how women do this without God. It would just be too much.  Jesus truly is my Hope and any Strength that I have.

He’s the Hope that is the anchor of my soul. Firm and Secure. Even when my heart feels ripped apart, broken, I can trust Him. When my mind says I can’t do this, He reminds me I can, with Him. When I am weak, He is strong.  He is always faithful. He is always Good. He loves me and He will never leave me. He hears my cries and He catches my tears. His grace is sufficient for me. His grace is sufficient for my children. He is enough.

My goal is to keep my eyes fixed on Jesus. Like Peter walking on water, I know that if I glance at the storm around me, I will sink. But if my gaze is on Him, I can do this. He’s the perfect author of this story. I’m asking God to teach me how to truly rest in Him, physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.I’m trusting He has gone before me, before my children, before my husband to Iraq.  He is our Protector and Provider. He alone is Sovereign. He is in control. He is our Peace. I want to be still and know that I know that I know, that He is God and He’s got this.

I believe the end of this deployment will be better than its beginning. I look forward, thru blurring tears and puffy eyes, to seeing what God will do.

Submitted by Tamela Johnston

Americans are blessed beyond measure, there is no doubt about that! Yet even those living the proverbial American dream can find themselves discontent with their lives.  Some believe the individualism Americans tend to value so highly might be keeping us from experiencing the contentment that can be provided by being part of a strong spiritual community. . . . the kind of community the early church enjoyed.

Acts 4:32 – ….. and the congregation of those who believed were of one heart and soul and not one of them claimed that anything belonging to him was his own, but all things were common property to them.

Living in Europe for several years now has given me a unique perspective of the military community here. There are some obstacles to overcome while living an ocean away from family and friends. There are often language barriers.  Deployment is a continual struggle. And don’t forget limited choices for shopping and schools!  But because of our unique circumstances and the “obstacles” listed above, we are forced to rely on one another!  I believe this creates good soil for growing spiritual community.

One of the reasons I love PWOC is because the women involved understand the uniqueness of the military community overseas and take advantage of it to shine the light of God’s glory to others.  In my experience, the women in PWOC come the closest to living with one heart and soul as the early church did.  What gives PWOC the ability to nurture spiritual community?  We strive to provide a safe place to belong and be accepted for who we are–baggage and all.  Here we can trust that there will be no gossip or breach of confidentiality.  I’m learning that spiritual community grows best when we are willing to be vulnerable enough to show our brokenness to one another without fear of judgment.  Then we can begin to look for Christ in one another and encourage the passion only He can give to know and follow Him.  I am personally overwhelmed when someone believes the best about me even when they know me well!  This is what I have experienced in PWOC, and it has caused me to grow closer to the One who knows me better than anyone and yet died for me. . . . . overwhelming love!

Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends.  - John 15: 13

Living in spiritual community is living interdependent, not independent. I am so grateful for the opportunity to grow in spiritual community here in Europe with my PWOC sisters.

__________________

The Europe update is posted the second Thursday of every month. For comments email europepresident@pwoc.org

Feb 212011

By Taryn Keller

She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.

Proverbs 31:25

She can laugh?  I know the Proverbs 31 woman is pretty amazing, but she laughs at the days to come?  I don’t know about you, but I feel very far from being able to do that right now.  I worry about big things and little things.  Just hearing prayer requests from many other folks makes me anything but amused about the time to come.  Deployments, difficult reunions, dangers, world events, death, finances, sickness and injury, aging, raising children, being childless…. To borrow a phrase from where I come from – Uff da!

The Lord expects me to laugh this off?  What am I not getting?!

“She is clothed with strength and dignity.”  Most of the other verses about her in chapter 31 are things she does.  If you scan verses 18 through 27 you can come up with this list:  “she sees, she holds, she makes, she speaks, and she watches.”  But v25 doesn’t say “she clothed herself with strength and dignity,” rather, “she IS clothed”.  Aha.  I have a pretty good idea who clothed her, and I also have a pretty good inkling that she asked to be clothed.

Let’s look at this One who clothes us.

Why do the nations conspire

and the peoples plot in vain?

The kings of the earth take their stand

and the rulers gather together

against the LORD

and against his Anointed One.

“Let us break their chains,” they say,

“and throw off their fetters.”

The One enthroned in heaven

laughs;

the Lord scoffs at them.

Then he rebukes them in his anger

and terrifies them in his wrath,

saying,

“I have installed my King

on Zion, my holy hill.”

Psalm 2:1-6

Sometimes the world looks really out of control from our point of view and evil seems to win much too often.  Kings of the earth take their stand against the LORD.  He is not worried and he is not afraid.  He laughs, scoffs, and rebukes; He is in control.  I can stop whimpering and cowering, knowing that he knows all and has it under control.

Blessed are all who take refuge in him.

Psalm 2:12b

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