Contradictory Doc
The ob/gyn who discovered my miscarriage had contacted my friend, called the Red Cross, and sent me to a different ob/gyn who would perform the D & C. This new doctor explained the importance of getting it done immediately to prevent complications over the weekend. So, there I was on Friday, April 20, 2001, undergoing the first phase of preparation. I won’t bother describing it here. It’s a tad indelicate.
While I finished getting dressed my friend arrived. She pulled back the curtain, hugged me, and I let out a brief sob. After exchanging a few sorrowful words, we took a seat on the brown leather couch in the doctor’s office. While he was filling out paperwork I gazed at the décor on his walls and desk. It suggested he was a Christian; and this was enough to ease my anxiety since I was about to go under his knife. But it wasn’t long before my encouragement degenerated.
I don’t recall our conversation exactly, but as we chatted about the procedure he said something that sent my heart plummeting: “It was only a blob.” I could feel my face stretch lengthwise as my eyebrows rose, my eyes grew larger, and my mouth fell open. I was so dumbfounded I couldn’t audibly question his ridiculous comment. My innards stirred. If I hadn’t been so stunned I probably would have broken into another atrocious wailing episode.
What’s the deal? Was this guy a Christian or not? Doesn’t he understand that a human life begins at conception? My brain shouted, It wasn’t a blob! How can you say that?! Images of that first sonogram raced through my mind as I recalled the head, the heartbeat, and the clearly formed arms, legs, hands and feet. The baby kicked vigorously. “It” was not a blob. He was a baby!
The doctor’s hand was busy writing and his eyes followed his pen. My eyes glared at him with disgust. The contradictions between his apparent beliefs and his words astounded me. Could it be that he was in the habit of making this offhanded comment to women who had miscarriages just to minimize their loss? Was this his lame way of attempting to assuage their pain? It did the opposite.
When he was finished with the paperwork he handed it to me and told me to go to admitting where I had to fill out more paperwork. What a weird feeling. I still couldn’t comprehend what was happening. My friend and her husband sat with me as I completed the forms. I valued their presence. My mother and sister were in Colorado and they still hadn’t heard. Neither had Steve but he wouldn’t be able to fly from Kansas to Tennessee in time to be with me anyway.
Sitting in the waiting area anticipating the procedure made me restless. I felt so many emotions I wasn’t sure which one to pick. Yet, despite the emotional upheaval, I sensed an inner stability and courage that couldn’t have come from me. God was strengthening me with His special brand of peace that defies explanation. And that wasn’t all He did. Awaiting my discovery was a gift He planted in my hospital room months before just for me.
TO BE CONTINUED:
Stay connected! In the next installment God displays His compassion and sovereignty. Even when He allows hard things in our lives He reveals His loving kindness. As difficult as it is to accept sometimes, Romans 8:28 really is true. This week reflect on what God has done in your life and let Him show you where He has brought good out of hardship, sorrow and pain.
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Life Happens – Jesus Answers is a weekly column addressing the challenges we face in life, coupled with the presence and grace of Jesus, our One True Source of hope and peace. The column’s author, Laura Firtko, can be reached by email here: LifeHappens@pwoc.org
