Jesus Answers » PWOC International Blog

Journey of Transformation, Part 29 (The End)

Jesus Answers, Life Happens, Life Happens Jesus Answers, Real life stories, Testimonies

Sep 022010

It’s a Wrap!

This is the final installment of Life Happens – Jesus Answers and “Journey of Transformation.” God is bringing changes to the PWOCI blog so it is time to say goodbye. Change is good when it’s God directed and I trust that He has many blessings in store for us as we Shine in the Light of His Glory.

To begin, I’m including the final paragraph from the July 1, 2010, entry for context:

By September 2002 my health disaster was out of control. Clearly, there was more than lupus ravaging my body. The time had come to take my health care to the next level. I needed answers and I needed them fast. Fortunately, God had an awesome rheumatologist waiting in the wings.

By October 2002 I was wheelchair bound. I needed assistance with eating, bathing, dressing and walking. I was carried up and down stairs. I was bedridden. The excruciating pain, weakness, and burning in my arms prevented me from using them except for balance. The slightest exertion exhausted me. Infected ulcers burrowed to the bone on my elbows. This was a new level of torment.

By the grace of God I landed in the office of Dr. Michael Baker and my search for genuine help was over. I slumped in the rented wheelchair, head adorned with a ball cap covering my unsightly mane, and tears streaking my red, swollen, disfigured face. Both Dr. Baker and my husband carefully lifted me out of the chair and led me toward the examining table. Not only was I nearly paralyzed, I was breathless from exertion, and virtually lifeless.

After a physical examination, lab tests, and a muscle biopsy, Dr. Baker concluded that I had a form of muscular dystrophy called dermatomyositis. This life-threatening autoimmune disease attacks skin, muscle, and connective tissue – basically, the entire body can be affected. Only a small percentage of lupus was present by comparison. The other autoimmune diseases were Sjogren’s Syndrome, Raynaud’s Syndrome, and hypothyroidism. Treatment was prednisone and intravenous immunoglobulin (IVIG) infusions derived from human plasma.

With this new information came the time to update my Exceptional Family Member Program (EFMP) data including the fact that I had only a five-percent chance of survival. Without treatment, or if treatment didn’t work, I would have died. Years later while my dad was dying I learned that I could have received hospice care because my diagnosis and prognosis were so critical. This is something more people should know in case they have gravely ill family members who aren’t necessarily terminal.

Once I was officially diagnosed with a neuromuscular disease I became one of “Jerry’s Kids” and received a custom-fit wheelchair compliments of the Muscular Dystrophy Association. I still have it to this day and intend to keep it as a reminder of the depths to which I plummeted and the brink from which God saved me.

In spring 2003 a knowledgeable army dermatologist gave me a remedy for the infected ulcers on my elbows. One part vinegar to one part water. You heard me right. I was so angry to have suffered for eight months with this torture and all I would have had to do was soak my elbows in vinegar and water! Of course, the remedy was just as excruciating as the ulcers themselves. So I took oxycontin an hour before soaking because the burning pain was too much to bear.

By July 2003 the ulcers were gone but they left permanent, hideous scars. I was able to drive by this time and managed to get myself to PWOC. I had to sit during the entire program and went straight home and back to bed after. In March 2004 I was able to discontinue taking prednisone but continued the infusions.

The promise I received from the Holy Spirit back in 2001 about this trial lasting about five years came to pass. From the time I began getting symptoms in January 2000 to the end of 2004 the ordeal was largely over. Five years. After that the recovery process began.

In January 2005 I began weight training for the first time since 2000 and could lift only 10 pounds on the leg extension machine (quadriceps). I’m still working my way up to 90 pounds which is what I lifted before the disease set in. My quadriceps and biceps were the most severely affected muscles in my body.

By May 2005 I no longer needed oxycontin and phenergan for pain and nausea, and I finished the IVIG infusions after 27 months of treatment. It nearly took a miracle for me to receive these costly infusions but God worked it out. By August 2005 my hair had grown back completely. In 2006 I continued serving at my local PWOC.

In October 2007 my rheumatologist declared me cured of dermatomyositis. I stood in front of the PWOC body and gave an impromptu testimony about my healing, and proceeded to cut up the handicapped plaquard once displayed from the rearview mirror of my car. It was an act of faith.

As I recall 1999 when I walked around our Germany apartment praying for God to transform me by the renewing of my mind (Romans 12:2) I had no idea how He would answer that prayer. I certainly didn’t expect Him to take me down a dark and tangled road. Having endured all this and more, I am convinced we are far better off not knowing the future. Anticipating suffering of this nature would render many of us immobile.

Having persevered and arrived on the other side, I understand why God chose this path for me. It was effective. He used my physical anguish to produce an inward cleansing and strengthening of my heart and soul. As a result, I am free from many old habits, mindsets, and strongholds that kept me from living free in Christ.

There is nothing like a life-threatening illness to get you in a position of dependence, humility, and focus. It creates sober reflection and laser sharp awareness of what really matters in life. The things I thought were important gradually fell away while life itself shone through as the most significant thing of all – that is, eternal life. “Turn your eyes upon Jesus, Look full in His wonderful face, And the things of earth will grow strangely dim, In the light of His glory and grace …”

God taught me many things through my journey of transformation thus far, but rather than sharing some of them in my own words I’ve chosen to let the Word of God speak:

Before I was afflicted I went astray, but now I obey your word (Psalm 119:67).

Blows and wounds cleanse away evil, and beatings purge the inmost being (Proverbs 20:30).

I was pushed back and about to fall, but the Lord helped me. The Lord is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation (Psalm 118:13-14).

And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast (1 Peter 5:10).

(More: Romans 12:1-2; 2 Corinthians 12:8-10; Hebrews 12:1-2; Psalm 103:1-5; Psalm 116:1-7; Psalm 119:71, 75, 92, 116-117; Isaiah 40; Isaiah 55:8-9; Isaiah 61:1-4.)

THE JOURNEY ENDS

It’s my hope that this Journey of Transformation has been a testimony of God’s ways, power, love and grace. I pray that the Holy Spirit used this story to encourage, to educate, and to challenge you. Never cower in the face of grave difficulties, but trust in God’s sovereignty, goodness, and mercy even when everything in you cries out against them. Because when Life Happens – Jesus Answers. May Jesus lead you gently through your own Journey of Transformation.

PDF

Journey of Transformation, Part 28

Jesus Answers, Life Happens, Life Happens Jesus Answers, Real life stories, Testimonies

Jul 012010

Another Emergency

Here we were, back in Colorado Springs in the summer of 2002. We temporarily settled into my parents’ townhome while we waited for our renters to move out of our house. Our Chaplain friend delivered the Honda Accord to us a couple weeks later when he arrived to attend the conference at the Air Force Academy.

Spouses are welcomed to attend the conferences, and I wanted to go so badly but couldn’t quite muster the strength. Most of my days were spent in bed or sitting in a chair. I felt less and less like being up and about. I camped out in the guest room most of the time, sleeping intermittently through each day. I remember hearing strange construction-like noises outside, but the window well blocked my view. It was rare for me to leave that room.

The white calcifications on my fingers could no longer be controlled and they developed into nickel–sized ulcers on my knuckles. The ones that erupted on my elbows were particularly excruciating. The burning pain was more than I could bear and I ended up at the Air Force Academy ER as I had months before. This time the ER staff was so puzzled and horrified by what they saw that they took x-rays of my hands to check for soft tissue abnormalities. Nothing showed.

Because the Air Force rheumatologist wasn’t available to assess me, and they didn’t have room to keep me around for hours, the ER staff redirected me to the ER at Fort Carson. I wondered if they thought I had some bizarre contagious disease that could spread to the whole community. They were far more alarmed than I was. I just needed painkillers again.

When I arrived at Fort Carson the ER staff administered morphine and this time I made sure they gave me an anti-nausea medication to go along with it. They probably gave me prednisone too but I don’t remember that. The anti-nausea medication made me feel weird. When I was being discharged from the ER I wasn’t sure if I should leave. Was this feeling going to subside or was it going to worsen?

Upon attempting to leave post my folks and I drove to a gate that was closed. Being 1 a.m. it was dark everywhere and Fort Carson didn’t have many streetlights. We ended up lost in one of the housing areas and I felt so weird I wanted to get home. Finally, we managed to find our way to the main gate which is always open.

We arrived home around 2 a.m. The anti-nausea medication created a strange sensation in my lungs. I was afraid that if I fell asleep I would stop breathing and die. So I stayed awake until the weird feeling subsided.

By September my health disaster was out of control. Clearly, there was more than lupus ravaging my body. The time had come to take my healthcare to the next level. I needed answers and I needed them fast. Fortunately, God had an awesome rheumatologist waiting in the wings.

THE JOURNEY CONTINUES . . . IN SEPTEMBER:

During July and August I will be spending concentrated time with the Lord for refreshment and renewal. I appreciate all of you who faithfully read LHJA each week, and I encourage you to join me in September when the journey continues. In the meantime, bask in the warmth of the Son.

____________________________

Life Happens – Jesus Answers is a weekly column addressing the challenges we face in life, coupled with the presence and grace of Jesus, our One True Source of hope and peace. The column’s author, Laura Firtko, can be reached by email here: LifeHappens@pwoc.org

PDF

Journey of Transformation, Part 27

Jesus Answers, Life Happens, Life Happens Jesus Answers, Real life stories, Testimonies

Jun 172010

God Comes Through

The day of departure had arrived. We left the hotel and drove to the Chaplain’s house where our Accord spent the night. God, knowing exactly what we would need long before our move, served up the perfect provision.

And so it goes . . .

A little background: Chaplains are endorsed by various churches or parachurch organizations that provide support and accountability in their roles as Chaplains within the military. Steve and a fellow Chaplain at Fort Campbell happened to share the same endorser. This endorser, located in South Carolina, was holding its annual conference in Colorado Springs at the Air Force Academy. Our Chaplain friend was planning to attend that conference.

Where were Steve and I headed for our compassionate PCS? Colorado Springs. And our house, which had been rented, was a mere 15-minute drive from the Academy. As it turns out, our Chaplain buddy was glad to drive our Honda Accord to Colorado Springs since he was going there anyway. We paid for his expenses and he flew back after the conference as he had originally planned. This couldn’t have worked out more perfectly for us. And, as an additional point of interest, since that conference in the summer of 2002, the endorser hasn’t held any out west.

I find all this very interesting. None of it was coincidental. It reminds me that I never have a valid reason to fret or worry. God has everything worked out in advance. He knows what I really need when I really need it and delivers it right on time.

Back to the story. My memories tend to be sketchy, but for some reason certain moments in time remain etched in my brain. I clearly remember sitting in the passenger seat of our Honda Pilot (we had traded in the Plymouth Voyager minivan for the Pilot), the door was open, and our Chaplain friend’s wife came over to the car and spoke words of encouragement to me. I was so weak, tired, and miserable that I barely responded. I nodded once, turned my head to face forward, and she closed the door. I hoped she didn’t see me as rude or indifferent but rather desperately ill.

I don’t remember the drive home other than it being long. It was the longest ride of my life. When we pulled into my parents’ driveway they were glad to see me but I just wanted to hit the sack.

The subsequent months would prove agonizing but informative. I finally would get the accurate and complete diagnosis I’d longed for.

THE JOURNEY CONTINUES:

In a quest to develop my faith I make an effort to notice the things God does for me that I can’t do for myself. I also pay attention to His creation more. Many of us allow ourselves to get so busy that we lose sight of the beauty around us and, in effect, we lose sight of God.

This summer I’m going to pay closer attention to the birds swirling around my deck. I’m going to listen to their songs and watch the clouds float by. I’m going to breathe the fresh air and let God speak to me through His creation. I’m going to embrace a new appreciation for the obvious, yet often dismissed, blessings in my world.

This summer take time to sit. Look. Listen. Enjoy the blessings that surround you and thank God.

____________________________

PDF

Journey of Transformation, Part 26

Jesus Answers, Life Happens, Life Happens Jesus Answers, Real life stories, Testimonies

Jun 102010

A Final Word

A couple weeks before our move to Colorado Springs, Steve preached his last sermon. It was one I had written that he tweaked to make his own, “The Hands and Feet of Ministry.”

I felt compelled to write it in response to my deep heartache over the lack of concern and compassion I’d experienced from fellow Chaplain spouses and others at Fort Campbell. For the first time in my life I was desperate, helpless, and almost hopeless. Yet, despite my plight being widely known, few people provided real help or even offered to pray with me. I felt abandoned by the body of Christ.

As I sat in the front row of that chapel and glanced around to check facial expressions, no one seemed the wiser. The message was well received. Truth be told, many people who needed to hear it didn’t attend that chapel.

Even though I had written the sermon from a place of pain there was no indication of that. It wasn’t about me and my story and no specifics were given. It was delivered from a heart of love and concern. It simply was a message that needed to be shared. And it could be shared again today – with all of us.

As the service progressed, one of the chosen hymns was “Showers of Blessing.” In light of our compassionate early PCS I felt blessed to be headed back to Fort Carson. But I needed more. I felt as though all I had experienced up to that point were trickles, drizzles, and drops of blessings. I wanted the SHOWERS!

As the days passed, my strength and energy ebbed away. I felt less human each week. I was more like a catatonic zombie. Being alive was too much trouble. My facial expressions were dull and lifeless. Sometimes I forced a smile or a short response out of consideration for the person present, but it got to the point where I was too weak to care. I just wanted to go home.

The day before our departure Steve drove our Plymouth Voyager minivan and I drove our Honda Accord to post. The 20-minute drive was all I could stand. A new level of listlessness and lethargy consumed me. We left the Accord at a Chaplain’s house overnight and stayed in a hotel.

I lay on the bed in our hotel room perplexed by the burning sensations in my legs. It felt like little fires beneath my skin. I had no painkillers. It didn’t occur to me to take prednisone for pain. I thought that was for other problems. And I didn’t want to subject myself to it again anyway. I’d have to be dying.

I wasn’t in any condition to go anywhere so Steve walked across the street to get a McDonald’s meal and he grabbed a sundae to go along with it. The ice cream temporarily soothed my emotions but it did nothing to douse the fires in my legs.

I dug through my bag and found some ibuprofen that took the edge off the burn so I could sleep. There was no way I could drive to Colorado the next day. It’s a good thing God had that little detail worked out well in advance.

THE JOURNEY CONTINUES:

How often do we pass by a sister in need – even when we’re aware of her situation? I wonder how often I’ve done that. I hope not often. Of course, not every person can respond to every need, and certain ministry assignments are intended for certain Christians.

But I think that sometimes we refrain from helping others because we’re afraid of getting involved. We’re afraid it will require too much time or effort. Maybe we’re afraid we’ll catch their disease, or mysteriously end up with their problem. Maybe we’re so committed to “good” things that we “don’t have time” to reach out when a serious need exists. I suspect we assume other people are helping so we don’t need to.

There usually is a core group of helpers. Perhaps each of us needs to ask the Lord what our role is in the realm of helping sisters in need. Then follow through on what He says. In doing so we can be sure we’re involved where we need to be. We can avoid feeling guilty if we are instructed to refrain. We can avoid helping out of obligation. And we can maintain balance and boundaries in our own lives. The most important thing we can do is obey God’s call.

And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him (Colossians 3:17).

____________________________

PDF

Journey of Transformation, Part 25

Jesus Answers, Life Happens, Life Happens Jesus Answers, Real life stories, Testimonies

Jun 042010

Alterations

On Easter Sunday in 2002 I sat at the dining room table in front of my makeup mirror. This was the first time in months that I bothered to apply makeup and the lighting revealed changes in my skin. The texture was no longer smooth and the pores were huge. It looked acne prone but no acne was present. And if that wasn’t enough, I had a beard — a thin layer of light hair or “peach fuzz” outlining my face.

That’s a steroid for ya. It turns men into women and women into men.

I was the unfortunate recipient of prednisone side effects. I’d been using the drug for six months and that was enough to cause damage. As was the case when I discovered bald spots on the back of my head on Steve’s birthday, I tried to make myself look pretty. I felt altered. It took herculean effort to muster a good attitude. I forced a smile at chapel but inside I grieved. Of course, no one else knew the difference, but no one else had my face. I hoped these changes would be reversed if I quit taking prednisone. (I will go ahead and tell you now they never were. Physical changes from prednisone usually are permanent.)

In the meantime I continued my supplement regimen hoping that it would be strong enough to hold off the disease process. But soon my hopes would be dashed. One day in the bathroom I looked down at my legs. They were covered with red-purple blotches. It looked like my blood was trying to escape. Along with this horrifying discovery came irritated elbows and knuckles. Red streaks lined my fingers. An excruciating blend of weakness, pain, and burning attacked my upper arms.

These alarming new developments prompted me to contact Tricare to see if I could get a different rheumatologist closer to Clarksville. They accommodated my request and I managed to get an appointment scheduled for June.

By the time June rolled around my condition deteriorated. Every activity was a chore. I was so listless that even holding my Bible was hard. I didn’t want to listen to the radio. Didn’t want to read. Didn’t want to watch TV. I lay there staring at the ceiling praying to God in my mind, “Lord, I’m too weary to move my lips. Read my heart.”

It wasn’t long before someone recognized the severity of my health. Steve got word that we were being sent back to Fort Carson. It was sort of a compassionate reassignment without the official title. It really was more of a compassionate early PCS. Under normal conditions we would have remained at Fort Campbell for another 6-12 months. God orchestrated this move and had the Army send us back to where I had family and access to better specialists.

Because we only had a month before moving I canceled my appointment with the rheumatologist. What was the point of getting started with a new doctor when I was leaving? I was ready to move on, ready to get back home.

God came through with provisions for our move. It was obvious he had everything worked out ahead of time. Again I would see Him acting on my behalf. Yet, I sense a question circulating, “Why did He allow this to happen to you in the first place?” That question would be answered in months to come.

THE JOURNEY CONTINUES:

“Why?” It’s a question we find ourselves asking at times, especially when something horrible happens that seems to have no valid purpose or reason. I like to have answers. I like information. I try to figure things out. I need to know that somehow God will replace my ashes with beauty, my grief with joy (Isaiah 61:3).

What I’ve come to accept is that God will always be incomprehensible. God has a plan that involves the universe and I’m a microscopic part of that. God’s plan is something so massive and astounding that I wouldn’t understand it even if He tried to explain it to me. When I get outside myself and acknowledge the fact that life involves things much bigger than me, and recognize that God is God and that He has eternity in mind, my perspective becomes a little clearer.

All I can do is throw myself at His feet in surrender and trust that He will make all the suffering worthwhile. . . . He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end . . . (Eccles. 3:1-9).

____________________________

PDF

Journey of Transformation, Part 24

Jesus Answers, Life Happens, Life Happens Jesus Answers, Real life stories, Testimonies, Uncategorized

May 272010

God and Doctors

God doesn’t often heal people on the spot. He usually heals them through the skilled hand of a physician or surgeon, or he takes them home which is the best healing of all, or he provides other wellness professionals to combat their afflictions.

My mother introduced me to the world of natural medicine through a naturopathic physician who was knowledgeable in nutrition, holistic medicine, and homeopathic remedies. His recommendations helped her so she thought he could help me too.

Upon his first examination he concluded that dermatomyositis seemed like a possibility in a mix of connective tissue diseases. The challenge at this point was nailing it down definitively. That would require additional blood tests performed by my other doctors. But they had either done all they could within their scope of practice or refused to do more. Because the rheumatologist was stuck on lupus based on basic lab tests, he wasn’t willing to test for anything else. So we went with the lupus diagnosis which really didn’t make that much of a difference to the naturopath. Different autoimmune diseases are treated in similar ways. With a blend of multivitamins, powders, liquids, and other healthful substances I launched an attack on the disease from a different angle.

In the meantime, my primary care physician referred me to a nutritionist who concurred with the naturopath that I needed to eat more protein and healthy fats to lower my triglycerides, thereby lowering my heart disease ratio which shot off the chart. Of course this had nothing to do with my autoimmune condition but it was an important piece of information that affected my overall health. In addition, the primary care physician prescribed prednisone which seems to be the go-to drug used for autoimmune diseases. I dreaded its side effects and hoped the supplement program suggested by the naturopath would lessen the effects of the drug. I even hoped the supplements would be effective enough to control the disease so I could quit taking prednisone. That remained to be seen.

Through December and January I continued my treatment plan. By the time February 2002 rolled around Steve made plans to come get me. Turns out he didn’t end up going to Afghanistan after all. So my visit with Judy and the folks would come to an end and my care would be interrupted. At least I wasn’t attached to my rheumatologist. That was no loss. Maybe I would get a new one.

Steve and I stayed for a few days before returning home. On our road trip from Colorado to Tennessee I indulged in Goobers and Raisinettes, crackers, chips and nuts. Hey, the nutritionist and naturopath told me I needed to eat more fat and protein to lower my triglycerides. What better way is there than eating chocolate covered peanuts! I took their advice to heart. It was the yummiest and most painless remedy I’d ever have.

The ensuing months at Fort Campbell would prove interesting. Prednisone damage would show up. The disease would take a new turn. An appointment with a new rheumatologist would be missed. And a compassionate reassignment would be necessary.

THE JOURNEY CONTINUES:

As I reflect on the events of those years I see clearly how God had everything worked out ahead of time. He does go before us preparing the way. Keep checking in each week to see what He does, how He leads, how He provides. And yes, how He takes me deeper than I’d ever gone before. There’s nothing like constant companions Sorrow and Suffering to take one deeper into the realm of inner change and surrender.

If you are enduring, or have endured, an extremely rough season in your life and you’ve never read the book Hinds’ Feet on High Places by Hannah Hurnard, I recommend reading it. Watch how the Chief Shepherd transforms little Much-Afraid on her journey to the high places. It will touch your heart.

The Sovereign Lord is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to go on the heights (Habakkuk 3:19).

____________________________

PDF

Journey of Transformation, Part 23

Jesus Answers, Life Happens, Life Happens Jesus Answers, Real life stories, Testimonies

May 202010

Clash of the Specialists

It was November 2001 when I landed in the dermatologist’s office. Dr. Honl was kind, compassionate, professional, and deeply concerned about me. Days later I ended up in the rheumatologist’s office. Dr. Linney (name has been changed) wasn’t so concerned.

The battle of the specialists began.

The first time I visited Dr. Honl she carefully examined my skin. When she noticed my shins she asked, “Do you ever use lotion?” I replied, “Yes, but it takes too much energy to get down there and apply it. I don’t do it often.” The skin looked dry and scaly, almost with a marbled, shiny appearance.

She looked at my fingers and toes. Apparently the ulcers that were forming on the bottoms of my big toes did so because circulation was lacking. The Raynaud’s Syndrome was kicking in more and my hands and feet often turned purple. It was hard to keep them warm. The calcifications and burning sensations on my knuckles and finger tips definitely suggested a serious autoimmune problem.

After assessing me completely Dr. Honl announced, “I think you have a connective tissue disease called dermatomyositis. The skin lesions and muscle weakness are consistent with that.” I told her that other doctors stood firm on the diagnosis of lupus. She was certain that these new eruptions were not signs of lupus although there could possibly be some lupus mixed in. Was she correct?

An official diagnosis had to come from a rheumatologist – a specialist who deals with autoimmune diseases. I’d been here before. The rheumatologist I saw in Bowling Green, Kentucky, who seemed more interested in collecting his fees than he was in helping me, was the guy who gave the “official” lupus diagnosis. But now maybe I would have a doctor who would exert some effort in nailing down this mysterious disease process.

Tri Care assigned me to a rheumatologist named Dr. Linney who happened to be the same one my sister saw. Some doctors are better than others and both of us struck out with this one. After examining me he affirmed the standing diagnosis, “You have lupus.” I said, “Dr. Honl, my dermatologist, thinks that I show definite signs of dermatomyositis.” How did he respond?

Dr. Linney’s cold demeanor nearly made me shiver. There wasn’t a hint of warmth or concern in his expression. With a determined arrogance he refused to give Dr. Honl’s diagnosis a second glance. Something was wrong. I sensed in my spirit that this guy was putting his pride before his patient. It was clear to me that he stood firm on his opinion because he couldn’t handle conceding to a dermatologist – a female dermatologist at that. After all, he was the big rheumatologist and he had to be right! But was he?

Power and control. That’s what it was all about. Where did that leave me? I revisited my Merck Manual and read about dermatomyositis. It sounded scary. It could put me in wheelchair. It could take my life. But for the time being, lupus reigned.

A year from this point I finally would have the right answers, but until that time God had more things in store for me – a visit with a naturopathic physician was on the horizon.

THE JOURNEY CONTINUES:

Through life’s uncertainties I have learned to lean on Christ. If I never had any problems, if I got all the answers I wanted, and if everyone agreed and got along . . . I’d be living in Pleasantville where everything is black and white. Boring! I want color! I want vibrancy! I want to live.

Regrettably, living involves pain. Living involves unanswered questions. Living involves power struggles between people who won’t agree. Life is a big mystery held in the hands of a big God who has something bigger in mind than we can comprehend. Trusting and waiting are hard, but they are what I must do.

Since ancient times no one has heard, no ear has perceived, no eye has seen any God besides you, who acts on behalf of those who wait for him (Isaiah 64:4).

____________________________

PDF

Journey of Transformation, Part 22

Jesus Answers, Life Happens, Life Happens Jesus Answers, Real life stories, Testimonies

May 132010

The God of All Comfort

On the heels of the Halloween caper were more joy-filled moments. Judy and I got to spend a lot of time together which wouldn’t have happened under different circumstances. We listened to my Matthew Ward CD for a dose of encouragement and inspiration, and we heard good Bible teaching from the likes of Dr. Charles Stanley, Chuck Swindoll, and others. We clung to the words of hope spoken by these godly men as if clinging to life itself.

God will often give me a message from a sound preacher or teacher at just the right time to affirm something He’s taught me, or to encourage my heart. Back in November 2001 He did that through Chuck Swindoll. Chuck described trials other people had endured as he worked through 2 Corinthians 1:3-11, a passage titled The God of All Comfort.

At that time I was miserable, thin and weak, had calcifications developing on my knuckles and toes, and burning fingers that had to be covered with band aids every day. Although this wasn’t anywhere near how bad my condition would get, it was bad enough and it was all I knew.

As I listened to Chuck speak Paul’s words to the Corinthian church I was able to relate. He described much suffering including physical and emotional anguish. In verse 8 Paul mentioned the hardships he and his cohorts endured while in Asia and he even said, “We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life.” I had those moments. I despaired of life itself.

But I had hope. I knew without a doubt that God had plans to use my tribulation to comfort and encourage other people. Eventually He would turn this ordeal into something purposeful, worthwhile, and life changing. When? I had no idea. How? That was an even greater mystery. The answers to those questions would be revealed at a later time, but there was an immediate purpose for me and my sister made clear in verse 9: “Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead.” Despite the urgency of our trials, God wanted us to rely on Him, not on the obvious earthly sources. Namely, doctors, ourselves, or other people. He is the source of all.

The pain we endure always has a purpose. Wrenching our brains to figure it out is futile as I have learned. But I’m desperate for purpose and meaning. I need to know that every bit of misery, loss, heartache, anguish, illness, weakness, hardship, and agony will produce something useful not only for me but for others. Isn’t that why we’re here?

First and foremost we’re here to be in relationship with God through Jesus Christ, but we are the tools He uses to minister to others. Quite often it’s our mutual suffering that lends us credibility with those who need His touch. He has invited us to partner with Him in His grand scheme of salvation and redemption. Through this partnership He uses our suffering.

I felt a call, a purpose, back then. As my body grew weaker my heart grew stronger with the expectation that God would use me one day to make a difference in the lives of others. In the meantime, I had a rocky road ahead of me and I don’t mean ice cream. The clash of the specialists was next.

THE JOURNEY CONTINUES:

2 Corinthians 1:10-11, “He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us, as you help us by your prayers. Then many will give thanks on our behalf for the gracious favor granted us in answer to the prayers of many.”

____________________________

PDF

Journey of Transformation, Part 21

Jesus Answers, Life Happens, Life Happens Jesus Answers, Real life stories, Testimonies

May 062010

(For those just joining us, here’s a brief recap of major issues that arose between January 2000 and April 2001: Red facial rash; swollen, inflamed gum tissue; fatigue; increasing weakness in my legs; weight loss; significant hair loss with bald spots; and the new development of hard white lumps under my skin that caused severe pain. The tentative diagnoses were systemic lupus erythematosis, Raynaud’s syndrome, and hypothyroidism.)

A Photo and a Bag

It was October 2001 and the time had come for me to renew my driver’s license. I adorned myself with a hat to hide the humiliating appearance of my head. The red rash on my face had worsened and my nose was swollen. I had cut my hair to get rid of the straggles but it looked scary anyway.

Mom took me to the DMV. When picture time came I pleaded with the woman to let me leave my hat on, but no, I had to take it off. There I was with no hat, flat sparse hair, red rash and swollen nose. To top it off I had a mark on my forehead from the hat rim.

The woman behind the camera was ready to shoot. I was ready to die. I fought to hold back the tears as I cracked an obligatory smile. Click. Beautiful. For nine years I’ve had that license in my wallet. Fortunately, I haven’t had to pull it out very often. I guess that’s why I never thought to get the photo retaken. Besides, I was too sick to care.

The really sad part about my appearance at the time is that I looked like the actor Michael Keaton as his character Beetlejuice, especially when my hair was freshly washed and stood straight up. That was my perception which might have been slightly distorted through the lens of a broken self image.

On a lighter note, through the pain and misery there were moments of relief and fun. When Halloween arrived, my mother decided that she, my sister, my aunt and I should go trick or treating through the townhome complex.

Back then Wal-Mart used grocery bags that had big smiley faces on them. Mom got each of us a Wal-Mart bag to put over our head. I had no qualms about putting a bag over my head after the incident at the DMV so I willingly went along with the plan.

My only concern was that neighbors might have thought we were killers coming to get them since we weren’t exactly children. And instead of handing us treats they’d call the cops and we’d spend Halloween in jail. In light of this we only rang doorbells of those neighbors my parents knew.

When we rang the first doorbell a man answered. His eyes expanded, his eyebrows rose, his mouth opened and before he could say anything my mother announced, “Hi Bill. It’s Elaine. Trick or Treat!” The shock took a moment to lift. Then a glimmer of light crossed his face as recognition of a name he’d heard before landed on his lips, “Oh, Elaine. I wondered who was at my door. The Wal-Mart bags are cute.”

Whew. See what I’m saying. That was a close call. Bill’s immediate reaction was exactly what I’d feared. Fortunately Mom spoke up before something really scary could happen. To avoid frightening the entire complex we only went to two other houses. These folks appeared equally stunned. At the last house we took off our bags and had a good laugh.

I find it fascinating that during some of the worst times in my life I’ve had some of the brightest moments. That’s God’s way of easing a heavy burden and showing me how to live with peace and joy in the midst of suffering. Only He can make that happen.

THE JOURNEY CONTINUES:

Stay connected for more. There is joy and blessing woven through the trial. But those who suffer he delivers in their suffering; he speaks to them in their affliction. Job 36:15

____________________________

PDF

Journey of Transformation, Part 19

Jesus Answers, Life Happens, Life Happens Jesus Answers, Real life stories, Testimonies

Apr 222010

Waiting for Relief

The ER doctor inquired while assessing the condition of my thumb,“Why is your thumb black and how long has it been that way?” My response eased his furrowed brow, “My mother thought that applying a poultice to the area would draw out any infection. We just applied it today.”

Now more amused than concerned, he stated, “At least the black color isn’t from necrotic tissue. I thought you might lose your thumb.” Then he proceeded to clean off the sticky black stuff and asked me to sit in the waiting area – without pain killers.

Dad and I took seats. We waited. We sat. We waited more. I don’t think the ER staff took me seriously. Eight hours went by and the tears rolled. During those hours I never saw anyone having a heart attack or bleeding profusely. Those cases are always taken first. If they aren’t present who goes next? Apparently people in extreme pain go last.

It was hard to tell why the other people were there. They sat calmly like they were waiting for haircuts. None of them appeared to be hurting. Was I dismissed because my excruciating pain came from an area the size of a large pin head? Did the size matter in their minds? Did they think I was a wimp with a low pain threshold? That’s how I felt.

Finally, around 8 p.m. I was taken to an area partitioned by a curtain and told to lie down on a bed covered with thick black plastic. It was creepy. It reminded of death. I waited more. Then a male nurse wearing light green scrubs came in. He took my vital signs and asked with an air of doubt, “All this pain is coming from that?” as he gawked at my extended thumb.

My response to that insensitive nurse was a simple “yes” but if I had to relive that moment I would say something like this: “Yeah. Go get me an ice pick. Hold out your thumb. I’ll be glad to demonstrate for you how much pain you can have from an area this small!” I didn’t need questions and doubts. I needed morphine!

Once I had been placed behind the curtain I expected quick relief. But they had to take blood. Then they had to wait for results. All this time I waited – again without pain killers. They always like to get results before medicating a patient. Why? I don’t know. Maybe to test liver and kidney function to see if the organs can process the drug safely.

The day was so long and tiring I don’t remember if I prayed. I was too miserable to do anything but clench my teeth and cry. This was the first of several visits to the ER and it wasn’t over.

THE JOURNEY CONTINUES:

Why is life filled with pain? Sin. We have Adam and Eve to thank for trips to the ER. Otherwise we’d be enjoying pain-free living. As we all know, life brings more than physical pain. It brings emotional, mental, and even spiritual pain. Hard experiences can cause us to close our hearts toward God, especially when they seem to be without any worthwhile purpose. That’s when we are forced to choose – do we withdraw from Him or trust Him?

____________________________

Life Happens – Jesus Answers is a ongoing weekly column addressing the challenges we face in life, coupled with the presence and grace of Jesus, our One True Source of hope and peace. The column’s author, Laura Firtko, can be reached by email here: LifeHappens@pwoc.org

PDF

Older Entries

PWOC International Blog

Journey of Transformation, Part 29 (The End)

It’s a Wrap!

Journey of Transformation, Part 28

Another Emergency

Journey of Transformation, Part 27

God Comes Through

Journey of Transformation, Part 26

A Final Word

Journey of Transformation, Part 25

Alterations

Journey of Transformation, Part 24

God and Doctors

Journey of Transformation, Part 23

Clash of the Specialists

Journey of Transformation, Part 22

The God of All Comfort

Journey of Transformation, Part 21

A Photo and a Bag

Journey of Transformation, Part 19

Waiting for Relief

Connect

Archives

Links

Regions

Categories