Another Road Trip
To this day I still don’t fully understand why God allowed me to have a miscarriage. I might not ever know all the reasons, but I do know that it has given me a connection to women that I wouldn’t have had otherwise. Even though I don’t have children, at least I know what it was like to be pregnant. I can relate to those who have endured the same loss and they can relate to me.
In the days following the D & C I shoved down my grief and told the friend who had been with me through the ordeal not to tell anyone. I couldn’t bear hearing ridiculous comments and questions that would have drained my energy further. Holding in the truth seemed to contain and control the magnitude of my loss. However, my heart and soul weren’t fooled. The grief was sure to rise up later.
Shortly after Steve returned to school at Fort Leavenworth, Kansas, my lethargy increased. I didn’t feel like cooking and I wasn’t eating enough. Caring for myself became a chore. What would I do this time? Where could I go? I couldn’t expect friends to take care of me. It was time for another road trip to join my husband.
To reach my destination I ended up hitching a ride from my ever-present friend. She happened to be from Kansas and she and her husband were planning a trip at the time. Do you think God had something to do with that? You bet. He showed up to provide exactly what I needed as He had before.
I packed a suitcase, gathered up Bridgette’s doggy supplies, and we headed to Kansas. Bridgette, as you might recall from a previous entry, was our sweet little beagle who seemed more like a family member than a canine. She was a special companion through my losses and trials.
We endured our trip to Fort Leavenworth and our friends dropped us off at Steve’s hotel room across from post. Bridgette and I got settled and Steve went grocery shopping to fill the small refrigerator in his room. Every day after that I took Bridgette for a walk; it was our favorite thing to do.
I remember doing laundry in a building on post and we had to drag duffle bags up the stairs to the washer and dryer. Needless to say, I sat outside on a bench drinking juice while Steve hauled the bags up and down the stairs. Then I would drag myself up the stairs to deal with the clean clothes and help re-stuff the duffles. An elevator would have been helpful.
When classes ended a couple weeks later we headed home to Clarksville. Steve dropped me off on his way back to Fort Jackson for the final phase of school. That’s entirely too much driving — east to west to east and back. At least he was reimbursed for mileage.
I managed to get through the next two weeks but it was time to pay a visit to my favorite rheumatologist – the one I had to drive two hours to see who spent more time in the hallway with his nurses than he did with me in the examining room. I couldn’t wait to find out what amazing answers he had for me next.
THE JOURNEY CONTINUES:
Keep posted. We’re entering a new phase of the journey. It only gets harder from here, but God knows exactly what He’s doing.
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Life Happens – Jesus Answers is a weekly column addressing the challenges we face in life, coupled with the presence and grace of Jesus, our One True Source of hope and peace. The column’s author, Laura Firtko, can be reached by email here: LifeHappens@pwoc.org
